Reflection and Absorption: The Echo in the Mirror
by Purple-Dove808
Summary: His eldest brother was a sucessful businessman, his little big brother was respected baseball coach in the big leagues, and even his wimpy love interest was a up and coming baseball champion, so what does that make him? The pretty face? Wolfram struggles against himself. Warning: eating disorder development. AU, eventual yuuram WxY, brotherly love. Rating may go up. My First fic!
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: His eldest brother was a sucessful businessman, his little big brother was respected baseball coach in the big leagues, and even his wimpy love interest was a up and coming baseball champion, so what does that make him? The pretty face? Warning: eating disorder. Just wanted to try out something different on Wolfram, just how far can he fool himself in his own game...? AU, eventual yuuram. Other side pairings._

_Disclaimer: Kyo Kara Moah is not mine._

_Okay I know this fic may seem like a longshot, but please bear with me and give this a chance. Appearance wise Wolfram just looks so perfect, now throw him into the world we live in...well keeping up appearances does takes effort afterall. Later chapters may become a little graphic as I speak from my own experinces, I won't spoil anything, just let the story unfold!_

_Warning may be triggering._

_Feel free to criticise spelling mistakes, grammar, punctuation, reviews are appreacited. Like I said before, this is my first fic for err...anything, so I am eager/nervous to know what people think. Enjoy. =)_

**Reflection and Absorption: The Echo in the Mirror**

**Chapter one: The will above the madness**

_Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable - Voltaire_

Wolfram's pov

The vibrations were gentle, almost theraputic I decided after I closed my eyes and willed myself to be calm, I listened to the pleasant hum emitted by the engines of the car, it was at moments like these that I could loose myself, I wouldn't mind staying this way forever, just the blackness and a humming sound to keep me company, to keep my thoughts from wondering. It was all I needed, I didn't need to think about today, what happened yesterday or worry about what was to come, I felt nothing, strangely empty but free, it soothed me to my core and chilled my nerves. But a feeling of sulleness washed over, I can't stay this way for ever, this car stop will stop at it's destination and I will have no choice but to get out, I'll have to face the world, I don't doubt today will be especially annoying, afterall today was-

Tap, tick, tap, tap, tap.

Opening my eyes, I sat up little straighter in my seat frowning slightly as I found it had started to rain again, I knew something would interrupt my thoughts, water droplets stuck to the window moving down in water trails, some of the droplets merged on there way down forming a big watery blob that would instantly plummet down faster than the other water drops. Were these water droplets tryign to tell me something? I played with the idea in my head, maybe they were trying to say that this was how life is,you find someone only to have them drag you down on a one way trip to the dirty ground.

I couldn't help but smirk and let out a low throaty giggle. What the hell am I thinking?

"Something funny?"

I instantly snapped my head in the other direction to find Conrad looking at me with an amused expression. Damn, he was here all this time, he was so bloody quiet I forgot. Was I that distracted? How long had he been watching me anyway, I thought suddenly feeling self-concious.

"Nothing", I said plainly, trying not to sound annoyed.

"Very well, if you say so" he said still clearly amused. Why doesn't he stop smiling already? I turned away as he spoke again, "Wolfram before I forget, mother said that she plans to make a visit soon, perhaps in a few weeks, to see how you have settled in your new school and all." Joy, just what I need, mother sticking her nose about my business, but I guess it would be nice to see her after so many months.

"And I fear for Gwendle, mother says that she's found him a lovely lady, one that even Gwendle won't be able to resist, though I think what he needs more than anything is a long break, Yozak said he's gotten more wrinkles. He's too stressed, more than usual lately." He said not taking his eyes off the road as he expertly handled the steering wheel at an akward turning.

Actually I overheard the conversation between my brother and Yozak, and Yozak's exact words had been "A bulldog that's got himself pissed on", I chuckle lightly.

"I wouldn't laugh if I were you, it's only a matter of time before mother starts trying to find someone for you"

I looked darkly at Conrad "Hmph! I'm 17! Mother can't tell me who I should be with! I'll date a horse if I wanted too!" Why on earth did I just say that?!

"Don't worry though Wolfram, I'm sure Gwendle won't mother to get too far if he can help it, and your too cute for him to let go, and no matter how old you get I'll always think your cute too" Conrad said sounding strangely pleased and there appeared to be some underlying sense of pride mixed in as well.

"Whatever" I said, he can be so embarrasing sometimes, though I felt something in my heart flutter and I'm sure I was blushing.

It's always been that way ever since we moved to Japan nearly six years ago, I'm pale, have green eyes, bright blonde hair just like my mother, it's hard not to stand out, I draw attention from everyone where ever I go, much to the dismay of Gwendle and delight of my mother. I guess my new school won't be any different, a bunch of blushing girls with disproportionately large tits, and mysterious boys that don't know when to give up. I shouldn't generalise, but they are always the same! Yes, I look different from you, now just leave me the hell alone! Heck, I can't seem to go anywhere without being gwaked at, it's creepy, although I can ignore it most of the time, I'm worried I'll develop something like chronic paranoia.

What the hell is wrong with me? Isn't this like the second time I thought of something absurd, maybe I'm just nervous about school.

Damn. New school, I hate school, it feels like a waste of my life most of the time, and how wonderful; I'm entering in the middle of second term, I'll oI nly have a few months to catch up on nearly a year's worth of work to prepare for summer exams. Whilst some teenagers my age wouldn't even care about such a thing, I just can't fail.

"Get ahold of yourself Wolfram" I said quietly to myself, you won't fail, don't be some spoilt child, you don't need a tutor to catch up, then your only as good as any normal person starting mid term, you need to study hard to prove to yourself that you do this by yourslef. "Look at your brother's Wolfram" I said to myself quietly, look at Gwendle, his father past away from cancer when he was only 5, but now look at him, everything he owns he got there on his own, he studied for it, he did everything independently and he finally made something of the passion he had for knitting; owning the most sucessfull textile's company in all of Japan.

And look at Conrad, I resisted the urge to turn around and look at the man that was sitting less than a meter away, his father taught him how to play baseball when he was only just learning to walk. He travelled with his father to America and even played in the major leagues, it was practically unheard of someone his age to play in the major leagues, with his greatest win in our mother land of Germany in Luttenburg, earning him the nickname of "The Lion of Luttenburg". Even though he has retired from the major leagues and moved to Japan, he has still done so well for himself, as the manager and coach of Shin M. Stadium; a traning facility where he personally coaches a select team of big league baseball players.

Even my mother used to be a stunning actress! But she gave that all up to go on some crazy journey for love after my father left her, my dear, dear mother. And that just leaves me, what have I done; NOTHING. Right now I am just the cute face in the family, that's how they all see me, I just know it and it pisses me off.

But I'll show them, that's why I choose to go to a public school, not some fancy one like Gwendle did, or even like Conrad who was taught by his father as he travelled, I want too show them that I can make something of myself from a modest beginning. Because that's the only I can make a fair mark, otherwise when I'm older everyone I come across will just love to assume that I leeched money of my brothers. But I'm doing this for myself, so I can be somebody, my own man, and I will make something of myself even if it kills me, I don't want to live in anyone's shadow.

But now, I need to worry about school and how-

"WOLFRAM!" I heard a familiar voice yell my name suddenly.

"What Conrad! What?!" I looked around suddenly then back at my brother confused.

"Goodness, could you please respond when I speak to you, I don't know what's more worrying, me talking to myself or you frowning at your shoes like they planned murder".

Was that meant to be a joke? I merely stared at my brother and blinked rapidly twice.

"What were you going to say anyway?!" I said nonchalantly, whatever annoyance I felt a moment ago vanished out the window along with his stupid joke.

"I was saying we will be there in about another fifteen minutes, there seems to be a lot of traffic for some reason so I'm taking one of the side roads, but don't worry I doubt we'll be late. I don't know if you were listening at breakfast, but I've arranged to have the chauffeur pick you after school at 4, I'm sorry I won't be able come myself, I have some business to attend to at work." He paused but continued to look at me "Are you alright? You seem distracted, are you nervous about today?"

Sighing, I answered plainly "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. Now will you stop probing me with questions, I have a lot to think about you know!" I know I sounded bratty, but I couldn't help it.

He let out a small chuckle, seemingly satisfied. "Fine, but watch the frowning, mother won't be pleased if you end up getting wrinkles, and I'd rather not have a grumpy old man for a baby brother."

Sometimes, no scratch that, nearly everytime Conrad tries to be funny I wish he would give it a rest, I sighed again, despite all the sucess he has had, I think I'd find a shiny doorknob funnier than my brother's jokes. Though I won't complain out loud, I remember when there was that whole mess with Julia, I rarely saw him during that time, but when I did he never laughed or joked, and when he did smile, it was just plain painful to look at. I found myself fronwing at those memories, I just wish-

"Come on Wolfram, it's just school you needn't look so miserable, you can make new friends and learn new-"

"Conrad! Just shup up, can't I have a minute to think for myself? And shouldn't you be keeping your eyes on the road instead of watching me!" I said, finally letting my frustration seep into my words.

Conrad on the other hand didn't seem affected in the least, he continued smiling, I could see his face in the front mirror, "Aww but Wolfram, don't you think- LOOK OUT!"

What ever he was about to say to me died on his lips to be replaced by a loud shout, I was greeted with the loud screeching of the brakes and the car tyres kissing the tarmac in what sounded like a sloppy smooch as the car struggled to find grip on the wet road.

I looked up out the front screen with what I imagine a deer caught in headlights expression to see a boy cowered on the floor in the middle of the road. My mind was racing, was that boy flipping crazy, I suddenly saw Conrad beside the boy, I hadn't even realised that he had gotten out the car, I quickly followed suit mentally thanking myself for wearing a seatbelt.

"Ah, yeah I'm okay...wow, er, geez did that just happen...Hahahaha" I heard the boy say, he didn't even seem to be in shock he just sounded goofy.

"Are you sure you are unharmed, I can call for medical attention." My brother said, his voice stern but his face marred with a concerend look.

"No, errr, no I'm fine really, man that was close, but your bumper didn't even touch me, hahaha" The boy laughed again, using one hand to scratch the back of his head.

Suddenly I couldn't stand this idiot, I had spoken before I knew it "What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you bloody insane!? What the hell were you thinking?!

Both Conrad and the boy looked at me, that's when I really took notice of him, just some average boy, plain black hair and wide black sapphire eyes, he didn't look all that special, regardless of his looks who did this guy think he was anyway?

"Wolfram are you alright?" I could see my brother scanning over my body, even though I knew he was just checking for injuries I instantly wished that Conrad's eyes were back on the boy and not on me."

"Wow, a pretty boy" He said stupidly looking up at me from where he was on the floor. I hoped I wasn't blushing, I would look pretty ridiculous trying to look angry with my hands on my hips in drizzling rain, all the while blushing like a virgin. I ignored Conrad completely, I saw him gape at the boy on the floor, then he looked back at me smirking. Stupid Weller.

"Well? I asked you a question! Or are you deaf as well as dumb!"

"Hey what the hell is your problem!?" He stood up, sounding midly offended? Good.

"My problem is that your an idiot that could have just caused an accident and gotten someone killed! That's my problem!"

"Now Wolfram, no one was hurt, i'm sure that this young gentleman here has an explanation." Conrad replied calmly, already recovered from the excitement it seems, I refrained from giving my brother a hurt look, he was always the peacemaker but why did he have to take the side of a complete stranger? And it didn't make it any less embarrasing to be reprimanded like some small child that had spoken out of place.

"Heehee, err I'm really sorry err, yeah, it's just I was on my way walking to school when I saw this little kitten, it's mother had already crossed the road but I knew it wouldn't be fast enough, I didn't think when I saw you car coming, I just dived in." He replied casually, he suddenly did looked passed me and smiled kindly at something behind me. I continued to stare at his smiling face for a second longer than maybe I should have, before turning around to see a cat surrounded by three kittens under a random bench on the side of the road. "Cool car by the way, I bet Shori would love something this sweet!"

"Who's Shori?" I asked sounding about ten levels calmer than I did a minute ago.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm Yuuri Shibuya, call me Yuuri, and well Shori's my brother" he said, suddenly looking at both Conrad and me.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Yuuri, I'm Conrad Weller, and this here is my baby brother Wolfram Von Bielefeld", my brother replied kindly extending his hand.

"Huh", he looked at me with a small smile before taking my brother's hand in firm handshake, I merely watched the exchange and didn't smile back. Suddenly the boy, I mean Yuuri screamed? "Aghhhh!" I jumped up startled, Conrad too looke alarmed, but before we could say anything he spoke quickly.

"Your Conrad Weller! Oh my Go- Wow! How did I not recognise you! Ahh, sorry I don't mean to sound like some crazy fan girl!" He said everything in such a rush laughing at the same time, like someone had set him fire and he only had minutes left to speak, but was also being tickled at the same time. I watched with something akin to jealosy eating at me, this boy really was annoying. "You, you played in the major leagues, you were like one of the youngest ever! I'm even trying out for a place on one of your big league teams, you know at the tournament your holding, where... ahh, why am I even telling you this, duh you oragnised the tournament so of course you'd know! It's baseball season, and I can't wait to get started!" He was vigourously shaking my brother's hand, Conrad continued to hold his smile, they both looked so stupid right now, thank goodness we're on a side road, I would have been so embarrased if someone saw this.

So he's trying out for the big leagues, that must mean he's around my age I obeserved, but that thought aside, there was something else that bothered me, even a-

"Wolfram I'm sorry, let's hurry if we're quick you can still make it to Saitama on time" Conrad said, still with the enthusiastic Yuuri bouncing around him.

"Saitama, you mean the high school? Ah your wearing the same school uniform as me, you go there? I don't think I've seen you before, with your looks I'm sure I would have noticed."

I raised my eyebrows at him. Wait, wait, now I go to the same school as this kid, my day just keeps getting better and better.

"Ahh, what I mean is that your looks stand out, you being blonde I mean, I didn't mean anything weird, you know what I said earlier!" He said nervously, waving his hands in the air in a gesture indicating surrender.

I closed my eyes and sighed, what a wimp. I looked up when I heard Conrad Chuckling, "Well it's settled then, it's Wolfram's first day Yuuri, and seems as though you both attened the same school how about a lift, consider it a reward for your kind act of saving that poor kitten".

This was so annoying, I walked back to the car and got sat down on the front seat with a thump, not wanting to hear Conrad talking to that boy anymore.

"Oh, erm I, are you sure, it's not that I think your a stranger or anything! I mean your Conrad Weller! But are you sure that it's okay, I feel kind of bad I mean-"

"It's fine Yuuri, really"

"Gee, thanks if I had gotten a detention today for being late, I would have probably been late for baseball practice as well." I heard him say as he got in the car at the back, I saw my brother look at me for a second. What? Sorry but did he expect me to get in the back seat with that wimp, I see no reason as to why I should be hospitable. I glared at Conrad letting him know I wasn't pleased with this arrangement, if he was going to say anything I never heard a word of it.

The rest of the journey was punctured with Yuuri throwing out random facts he knew about Conrad, why would you bother telling a man things that he would obviously already know about himself! But that wasn't what really bothered me, it was what he had said "a pretty boy", yeah and that's all I am to him, and then there was that burning feeling of jealousy I can't seem to dismiss; the way he immediately turned on Conrad, ignoring me the "pretty boy". I get it, Conrad's famous unlike me, but I wish that insensitive bastard hadn't just overlooked me like that. Wait what the hell am I saying? I just met this boy, why the hell should I what he thinks anyway?  
"So erm Wolfram, was it yeah?" he started nervously, I resisted the urge to grit my teeth as I replied.

"Yes, what is it _Yuuri_"

"So you said it was your first day, are you err excited?"

I just continued to stare at him, I could tell it was making him uncomfortable by the way he was shifting in the back seat.

"As excited as I'll ever be" I replied simply, I turned away from him and faced the front again.

"Okay then" he sounded unsure. The next two minutes seemed to drag on forever before Conrad mercifully announced that we were finally at the school.

Conrad had already gotten out the car but I didn't move, dammit I hated the day already. The humming sound of the car had stopped, and I could hear my pulse about my ears all too well, my black uniform suddenly felt too tight, my palms were sticky and despite having not eaten any breakfast I was starting to feel sick to my stomach.

I could hear Yuuri thanking my brother outside, their voices seemed foggy, the air inside the car seemed too thick and I struggled to calm my breathing. "Dammit Wolfram get ahold of yourself! Okay, it's acceptable to be a little nervous on your first day but that's no reason to be a wuss!" I whispered harshly to myself. Finally feeling a little more in control of myself I opened the door and stepped out before Conrad would get me, he looked at me with a small smile.

"You ready?"

"Yes" I replied shortly.

"I already took care of everything when I stopped by the school yesterday, nonetheless would you like me to accompany you?"

"No! I'm not five years old you know!"

"I know, I know" he chuckled not at all fazed by my rejection. The last thing I need is Conrad drawing more attention, I bet all the baseball freaks in this school would be hoarding him, I think Conrad understood as well.

"So I'll be off then, good luck and tell me how your day went tonight, alright then." He gave a shoulder a firm squeeze and a reassuring smile after deciding against hugging me, I could see that was what he was about to do.

"Bye Conrad, I'll see you later" I said as I quickly walked towards the entrance, I didn't look back but I could feel his gaze on my back.

"Ah there you are, what on earth took you so long! Come on we're gonna be late for registration!" He was jumping from one foot to the other looking like he desperately needed to use the bathroom, what a wimp.

"Yuuri. You were waiting for me?" Something in my heart light up.

"Nah, I just stopped by to admire the brick work! Of course I was waiting for you! Conrad asked me to look out for you, and there's no way I could say no to him! Now come on! Come on, we gotta get to the hall!"

Conrad asked him to, of course. But before I had any time to think about how annoyed I should be feeling right now, he garbbed my elbow and took off in a sprint.

"Hey!" I quickly tried to get my footing right, imagine how embarrasing it would be entering the registration hall on your first day, only to fall flat on your face.

When we neared what I presume was the hall, Yuuri slowed down to catch his breath, it didn't take him too long. Despite not having a terribly athletic build, he's kind of fit I thought as I was still struggling to catch my own breath.

"Ha! Oh yeah! With minutes to spare!" He turned around and smiled at me before opening the two large blue doors. Here goes nothing.

The reaction was instantaneous, one girl squealed loudly then all eyes were on me followed by silence, before I could even take a note of the girl that squealed, a gush of whispers errupted.

I could see a large boy approaching me, he had a nice build and could have had a handsome face except it looked like it had been hit with a bus at some point in his life "Well, well, looks like we got ourselves some hot shit here" he said distastefully.

I scrowled at him, how dare he speak to me like that! But before I could say anything a loud cry for silence echoed in the hall "SILENCE! Everyone get into to your lines!" I recognised the man as the headmaster. The ugly boy that approached me already forgotten, I wracked my brain trying to remember what class I was in, I think it was 12IaB, finding the dash board with 12IaB on it, I approached a middle aged woman who stood behind it.

"Ah, hello there, you must be Wolfram Von Bielefeld I believe, I'm Mrs Ishikawa, you can introduce yourself to the other students when we are in class, right now though please get in line, assembly is about to start." She smiled kindly, though it made my skin crawl. I hate introductions, I thought as I walked to the back of the line well aware of the fact that a significant proportion of the students were staring at me. I ignored them all, there's was no point snapping at anyone right now, I wonder where Yuuri went, then as if to answer my question he was at the back of the line talking to a boy wearing glasses.

"No I'm telling you Murata, it's not like that I only said-"

"Silence! Do you all not know the meaning of the word?!" It was the headmaster again, man his voice was seriously annoying and suprisingly high pitched for a man.

"Hey Wolfram" Yuuri mouthed, the boy with the glasses flashed me a half smile and moved in front of Yuuri.

I just want the day to end, all these side glances everyone keeps on giving me were not helping my nerves, and standing in a hall full of students either reeking of cheap perfume or sour body odour was agitating my riled up stomach, and holding my breath was starting to make me dizzy. I let out a shaky breath, which honestly sounded more like a long sigh.

"You okay" Yuuri aksed quietly, only slightly turning his head, not enough to see my face.

"Fine" I said equally quietly not wanting to get caught and I really didn't want to talk anyone right now. I tried to focus on Yuuri, I looked at the back of his head, his hair looked a little spikey, but I get if I were to touch his hair it would be soft, and he had a musky smell to him like cinnamon and and vanilla, it was strangley soothing. Stop it Wolfram. Stop sniffing up a boy. Something was definately wrong with me today, I looked out the window on the side of the hall.

When did it stop raining?

* * *

_So, please let me know what you all think, this is just the beginning and I have so many more ideas, until next time x_


	2. Chapter 2: The Punch Above the Rulers

_Thank you all, your reviews are all very much appreciated and I have made a note of that fact that I misspelt Lord Von Voltaire's first name incorrectly, it won't happen again. If it does happen again, then I will be ashamed of myself, but thank you for pointing it out TheMoonAndStarsLove. _

_I also just re-read what I published, and I must have cringed about ten times, I'm so sorry for the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, it's just that I was so eager to write down the ideas I had in my head, I typed up everything on a digital notepad, one that doesn't make automatic corrections. _

_**Just to clarify:**__ Some of you may be wondering why the heck I have such weird titles, they are not just random, they do have some kind of meaning to them, if you look deep enough into the text you might get it but, but if you don't understand it's alright, it's kind of a more personal thing, so it's okay if you don't really get them . _

_Anyway, enough from me, here is the next chapter, happy reading!_

**Chapter 2: The Punch Above the Rulers**

_Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. – Bernard M. Baruch _

Wolfram's pov

Finally that horrendous assembly was over, I felt like I could finally breathe again when I stepped out of the hall, though I have to admit it was useful in the sense that it made me aware of important upcoming events. When they mentioned the baseball tournament Yuuri jumped up like a jack-in-box, causing a few giggles from the girls, and he only finally calmed down after Mrs Ishikawa glared at him, man what a kid.

From what I heard headmaster Matsuo say, I figured out that this school has four baseball teams, which all have equally ridiculous names. These teams will battle it out in a series of games to decide on nine "select" players that will make up the select team. This team will then represent our school at brother's Shin M. Stadium tournament against all the other regional teams. The winning team of the tournament will then receive private coaching funded by the Weller Baseball Trust (WBT) to compete at a national level, I knew that much already. This was really a good opportunity for anyone interested in baseball to stick their foot into the world of professionals, I can see what the fuss is all about.

But I decided long ago that baseball wasn't for me, at least it wasn't something I wanted to do for a future career.

We exited the hall line by line, I had the advantage of having been at the back to leave first along with Yuuri. I needed to be quick if I was to avoid being bombarded by half the school, I didn't want to get too clingy with Yuuri, I barely knew him yet he's still the only person I could rely on right now, and as annoying as he was, I needed him.

"Hey Yuuri, quick which way are we supposed to go?! Let's hurry to class, so come on lead the way already!"

"Geez, what's up with you, where's the fire?"

"Arrh! Can you just show me the way or do you really want to get caught up in a stampede!" More and more people were leaving the hall by the second and I knew from my previous experiences at my old school that standing right outside when hundreds of people were all trying to get out through the same exit was not a good idea.

Yuuri looked around him, maybe he was looking for that guy he was talking to earlier, but then he suddenly looked back at me and smiled apologetically.

"Alright, I'm gonna run, try and keep if you can!" he laughed and took off in a sprint taking the first left.

I looked at his retreating back then started to run myself. Wait, what the hell did he just mean by that! Was he trying to imply that I was unfit, this guy thinks he's better than me I thought angrily.

After about three minutes of running including up a tall flight of stairs, I reached my limit. Yuuri stopped when he saw that I had stopped and smiled sheepishly.

"Had enough?"

I felt like I could pass out on the steps, I couldn't seem to quite catch my breath and I didn't doubt that my face must have been beet red, it was more from embarrassment because I was wheezing like a dying donkey and I could feel my uniform sticking to me like a second skin. I hadn't realised I was this unfit, I looked at Yuuri and saw that he was only slightly out of breath, the wimp really had me. I knew I was being childish, but I couldn't help but glare at the boy in front of me, I felt I had lost to Yuuri in some unofficial contest; my pride was hurt.

"Hey no need to look so serious, it's was just a joke! We passed the room we're meant to be in about five doors ago!" he stood at the top of the staircase laughing. "Come on Wolfram, you should see your face, Mrs Ishikawa should be there by now, I mean there was no point in me taking you straight to the classroom because we would have had to wait for her to come and unlock the door anyway."

I wished Conrad had run this boy over.

* * *

We reached the classroom, the students were just beginning to fill in, all staring at me of course with mixed expressions. Everything from confused to a flirty look from a girl with strawberry-blond hair, bleached obviously, her sooty black eyebrows were a dead giveaway; she looked like she wanted to say something but Mrs Ishikawa interrupted.

"Yes, yes we'll all have plenty on time to acquaint ourselves but for now could you all please take to your seats."

The girl looked disappointed but nonetheless looked back at me and smiled.

Wait, she said take to your seats, but where should I sit? I looked back at my teacher, as if reading my thoughts she replied "Wolfram, I will allocate you a seat but first please stand at the front and introduce yourself, tell us about yourself"

It was strange the way she could speak and smile at the same time, she definitely had a creepy smile, above that there was nothing that would draw a lot of attention to her. She had long ebony dark hair with highlights of grey strands, and light hazel eyes that seemed to compliment the cream coloured suit she was wearing, plain but pleasant.

I observed this quickly as I was struggling to think of the right words, dammit. Why hadn't I thought of something before, I should have expected this. I looked at the students in the class most looking expectantly at me, some of the boys especially looked like they rather be somewhere else but honestly I was a little more concerned about the ones that looked little too eager. Yuuri was looking neither interested or disinterested, he was just staring at me blankly, it was unnerving and was possibly making me more uncomfortable than all the other eyes on me, I resisted the urge to scratch my neck; a nervous habit.

Get a hold of yourself Wolfram! This is no time for a wimpish panic attack, you just need to say a few lines, then hopefully you will be allowed to sit down. Hopefully.

"Well Wolfram, won't you say something, why don't you tell us where you are from and what your interest are?" Mrs Ishikawa suggested.

"Ah, of course" I tried to sound polite, wearing a look of indifference, I faced the class desperately trying not to make any eye contact with Yuuri, I looked everywhere to keep my eyes from settling on any face for too long.

"My name is Wolfram Von Bielefeld, I was born in Germany and moved here to Japan to live with my brother six years ago"

Should I have said my age? No what's the point everyone in this classroom is bound to be a similar age anyway. What else should I mention, I thought hurriedly. My birthday? No that's a terrible idea. Keep it simple Wolfram, your not helping yourself by giving out too much information, I heard a voice in my head say, just say something neutral for what you like to do.

"And as for interests I like art but also I enjoy playing sports particularly tennis and baseball."

"Oh a sporty cutey!" I heard someone say, how I wish I could smack whoever said that.

"What about your favourite subjects?" Mrs Ishikawa added.

"Well I like History, biology and Physical education."

"Okay then" She sounded pleased. "Well does anyone else have any questions for Mr Von Bielefeld?"

I wanted to cringe, instantly people started calling out.

"Do you have a girlfriend?!" Someone shouted.

"Are you single?!" Someone else asked.

"Is your hair naturally blonde?!"

"Would you be interested in joining the humanitarians club?!"

"Do you like seafood?!"

I wanted them all to stop, I looked hopelessly at Yuuri, who was standing up with both his ears covered as the two people on either side of him hurled out words, something about my shoe size and what I'd do if I won the lottery?

"QUIET!" The small woman beside be raised her voice. "If any of you have an intelligent question to ask,_ please_ raise your hand".

I just stood there, tell me to take a seat already woman!

"Mr Yuuri Shibuya, would you sit down, I cannot understand why you are standing." She said sternly.

"Err, yeah, erm actually I have a question" he started "You said you liked baseball, were you in the team at your previous school or something?" He added eagerly.

I heard some students sigh, they obviously thought it was a boring question, but I just gaped at the only other boy standing in the room. Of all things to ask me, but oh no! I didn't tell Yuuri not to blab to the world that my brother was 'the Conrad Weller!' It was my to my advantage in this case that my brothers and I have different surnames, and I don't think Yuuri knows about Gwendal either. But what I definitely don't need is for people to think that I have two famous, well reputed, well off brothers while I'm just the baby in the family. Of course it did cross my mind that someone would figure it out eventually, but not yet! It's too soon, I only said my name less than five minutes ago, I don't want to be crushed just like that under the mighty reputations of my brothers.

I was still gaping at Yuuri, he looked confused. I realised I hadn't answered his question yet, sighing inwardly I replied "Like I said, I like baseball, and no I've never played for a team or anything, I just like it."

Apparently satisfied with my answer he sat down, though as he did I couldn't help but notice that he looked a little disappointed. God knows why, but I couldn't bring myself to care, I was just glad that he didn't ask about Weller. I made a mental note to talk to him later about what not to say about my life, not that he knew much about it anyway.

"Well I'm sure that there's a lot more everyone would like to ask Mr Von Bielefeld, but there will be plenty of time to ask him in your own time, right now we must get started with the lesson." Mrs Ishikawa said in a completely calm and collected voice, sounding completely different from what she did a minutes ago.

"Wolfram you can take a seat behind Hana for now, Hana raise your hand dear."

My eyes skittered across the room before it settled on the girl that had her arm in the air, I barely took any notice of her as I robotically passed her, I just wanted to sit down.

Suddenly I could feel a pair of eyes on me, I thought it might be Yuuri but when I looked at him he was staring out the window, it was actually the boy next to him. His face was expressionless, and he just continued to look at me with his dark eyes, it was haunting and irritating. Why is he staring at me?!

"Can I please have everyone's attention!" Mrs Ishikawa's voice sounded at the front.

* * *

The rest of the day went by quickly, at breaktime after the first two lessons, I really wanted to talk to Yuuri, I wanted to know who that boy was, I needed to tell him not to say anything about Conrad and I just wanted something from him…but what?

Of course I couldn't get anywhere near him, I was immediately hounded by students and their never ending stupid questions. When I finally did escape the classroom I had to go to the office, pick up a timetable, be assigned a locker, choose what activities I would participate in on sports day. Guess a proper conversation would have to wait till lunchtime I thought wearily.

* * *

Finally when the bell rang for lunchtime, I practically leapt out the classroom. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now so I pulled out a piece of paper and pretended to read something on it in attempt to look busy, I waited for Yuuri to come out.

"Erm excuse, me Wolfram?" A quiet voice called out to me, a petite girl stood before me, Sienna was her name I think. Why did I even bother with the paper?

"Yes" I tried not to be snappy, I smiled when I realised I sounded a little abrupt.

"Is everything okay? Do you know where the lunch hall is? I…erm…well I'm going there myself so I can show you the way…if you like? She said timidly, I wanted to laugh for some reason, I did appreciate the offer though. Just then, right on cue Yuuri stepped out.

"Well thank you very much, that's very kind of you but Yuuri here volunteered to show me around earlier, I'm sure he will show me the dinning hall as well" I answered politely.

Hearing his name, Yuuri looked at me "Errr, I did?" he stated unsurely.

I grabbed his sleeve, "Hurry let's get lunch before there is a long queue!"

"But my mother already made me lunch."

"Well I don't have lunch, and I didn't have breakfast! I could eat a pig about now!"

He looked me up and down for a minute in a way that made my skin crawl, then he laughed.

"What are you looking at? And what's so funny?" I asked impatiently.

"Nothing, nothing it's just that I doubt you'd be able to handle a piglet, let alone pig!"

"Hmmph! I was speaking figuratively idiot! Can we go now?!"

"Man, are you cranky because you're hungry? Kind of reminds me of my dad or a pregnant woman."

I didn't reply and let him lead the way, I was vaguely aware of the fact that people were staring at us but Yuuri was too busy babbling about the first time his dad took him to see a baseball match in Boston.

* * *

After I had grabbed a tray full of food I sat down with Yuuri at a table on the far end of the room, I looked down at my meal, it looked so colourful. It had a bowl of white rice, peachy salmon, steamed spinach, coriander and lentil soup topped off with parsley and a juicy grapefruit for desert.

I eyed the food hungrily, at least it was healthy, whilst trying to retain a degree of etiquette I ate hastily only stopping briefly every now and then to savour the flavour.

"Wow you really were hungry, you could choke." Yuuri said eyeing me.

"Only someone like you could be capable of something so foolish" I wanted to look up and scowl at him. Doesn't he know it is rude to stare at people while they eat?

"Fine, but I'm gonna be the one laughing, I can just imagine the news headline on the school paper 'Wolfram Von Bielefeld, killed by a spinach leaf on his first day!'" he stated dramatically.

I briefly looked up at him, then down at his bento box. It was really cute, I saw there was a white rabbit made out of rice, with sausages and carrots cut in the shape of flowers, cheese for the sun and a piece of broccoli for a bush, surrounded by other adorable little assortments. He said that his mother had made that didn't he? I bet Gwendal would blush, and the love that had gone into making it was clear to see.

I don't ever recall my mother making me anything to eat, someone else always did, normally the maid, or sometimes Conrad. Mother didn't she even breastfeed me when I was a baby I thought sadly.

Looking down at the food in front of me it suddenly didn't look very appetizing, the rice was too dry, the salmon looked like it had been dyed, the spinach was too soggy and all the soup just looked like vomit with a leaf on top for effect.

I pulled a face and pushed the tray away, even the different smells coming off the tray were making me nauseous.

"Somefthint hong?" Yuuri asked with his food full, I looked at him disbelieving, he was starting to resemble a rabbit himself with his cheeks rounding out like he had stuffed two tennis balls in them.

"No, have you nearly finished? There are a few things I wanted to talk to you about."

"Err sure… are you done though?"

"Yes" I answered curtly.

"But you've hardly eaten anything! I thought you said you were hungry!"

"I was, but I don't want to eat now" He didn't look pleased. I sighed again, why can't he just drop it?!

"In case you hadn't noticed, we are being stared at and it is making me uncomfortable, I'll eat when I get home."

He looked around, suddenly noticing that a lot of eyes were looking in my direction. He chuckled, damn why the hell is this guy so cheerful about everything! What's his deal?

"Hahahha…wow I hadn't realised, but hey you know it's not good to waste food, think of all the starving people in the world." I narrowed my eyes at him, was he trying to patronize me? No, this was Yuuri, yes I only met him this morning but considering the fact that he was willing to throw his life on the line for a cat, I'm not surprised he cares about such things.

Feeling a little guilty, I lazily picked up my grapefruit and began to peel the skin, I didn't look at him but I knew Yuuri was smiling, that perhaps annoyed me even more.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw that the girl with the strawberry-blonde hair from earlier approaching, I continued to peel my grapefruit as though I didn't notice.

"Hey Wolfram, is this seat taken?" She asked seductively, how I would love to throw this grapefruit at her.

"Not at all, have a seat" Yuuri piped up like an excited child, no scratch that, I want to throw this grapefruit at Yuuri instead!

"Oh, err yeah thanks" she said momentarily put off that it was Yuuri who replied.

"So Wolfram" She said smoothly eyeing me up and down, "How has your day been?"

Stop fucking looking at me like that! I wanted to scream. "Okay I guess, I'm sorry but who are you?" I asked neutrally. I actually already knew who she was, I remember her name from registration during the third period, she replied in such a loud voice, it was hard not to notice her.

She looked disappointed, but quickly recovered. "Oh, how rude of me, I'm Mariko Miyagi and it's an pleasure to acquaint myself with you".

It's not like I like being rude to people, but some were just asking for it.

"It's nice to meet too" I replied plainly.

Next thing I knew, I could see four more people approaching our table, I guess when Mariko came over they all took it as a good to go sign and decided to invite themselves over as well.

"Yuuri have you nearly finished?" I asked trying not to sound too impatient.

"Err…yeah nearly, you know it's not good to eat too fast, I have baseball practice after school, I don't want indigestion." He said not all bothered by the fact that four more people just sat down at the table, "Oh hey guys" he said instead.

The guy with the square shaped glasses nodded at Yuuri, and another with brown hair looked at both Yuuri and me offering a crooked smile then changing it into a cheeky grin when he greeted Mariko who promptly ignored him. The shortest out of the four just sat down with a slight bow and only the fourth one spoke "Shibuya" he had a deep voice that definitely matched his physique. When he looked at me he didn't smile but nor did he look unfriendly.

Oh great, another unavoidable conversation.

"I'm Chiako, this short fella is Norio, that shameless flirt is Kaz, and that's Hayato" he replied pointing lastly to the boy with the glasses. They all nodded at me again, and continued to look at me like I was about to do a magic trick or something.

"Hi" I said, it came out more as a sigh, not wanting to seem rude I added "pleased to meet you all." I tried to sound a little more enthusiastic.

Seeing that Yuuri was popping the last piece of carrot from his bento box into his mouth, I stood picking up my tray. "I'm sorry to leave you all so suddenly, but there are a few things I must attend to, please excuse me" I said firmly.

"Ahh, but we barely even talked" Mariko whined.

"Phfff, take the hint Miyagi, he wants to be alone with Shibuya," Hayato said playfully, raising his voice towards the end of the sentence.

I did want to be alone with Yuuri because I needed to talk to him! But the way this guy said it made it seem like he was trying to imply something.

No one said anything, Yuuri looked like a hopeless rabbit, then raising both his hands in a defensive gesture he said "Hey, what….er…what are you trying to say Hayato" he said looking straight at the other boy.

I could see the short boy; Norio smirking into his food, and Kaz just looked amused.

"I'm saying Von Bielefeld here wants to ditch us to be with you" he replied cockily. I really disliked this boy now, I didn't like his attitude. What? Did I hurt his little feelings by wanting to leave? I don't give a shit. But Yuuri here was really beginning to piss me off with his stuttering.

"Come on now, don't think I didn't see the way you two ran into school this morning holding onto each other, then after assembly you both ran away together again. I know what class you are in Shibuya, and I also know what class Von Bielefeld is supposed to be in, which happens to be the same one as you. I saw you both pass the classroom, then you returned looking perhaps a little too happy and Von Bielefeld here looked rather…flushed should I say. I insist that you conduct yourselves decently while on the school premises; there are rules. However I am more inclined to say that it is a hazard to run, it's a good thing I didn't report you." He replied contentiously.

I had it with this guy. "Who the hell are you? Some kind of stalker?!"

"Don't flatter yourself Von Bielefeld, I'm a prefect and it's my job to know these things, it also happened to be my day to be the hall monitor."

"Easy now guys, we're all friends here" Norio finally spoke, "Wolfram just ignore Hayato here, he's just jealous that Yuuri captured you before he could."

"Okay let me set something straight, nobody has_ captured_ me!" I aimed this at Norio, I know he was only trying to pacify the situation, but I really didn't like the way he worded what he said, then turning to Hayato, I continued "I happen to be with Yuuri, because I know him from elsewhere that's why I came into school with him! Furthermore we weren't doing anything indecent, we ran then we talked, so stop trying to be suggestive!" Yuuri looked even more embarrassed now, what a wimp.

"Is that so, you know Shibuya?" Hayato said not really sounding interested, carefully propping a piece of tofu into his mouth.

"Yes it is, and if you had a problem with us running before, you should have said something!" I was aware of the fact that my argument had no real strength but I was too ticked off to back down now.

"Yes I should have, though I can make up for it now by giving you both a detention" he replied coolly.

"Ah no, no don't do that Hayato" Yuuri finally spoke up, "I have baseball practice today after school and it's Wolfram first day, he didn't know so it's my fault really!"

"Regardless of it being his first day, I pretty sure it's common sense to know that you shouldn't be running down corridors, you could have injured yourself or worse someone else or damaged school property" he stated in a matter of factly tone.

What the hell is his fucking problem! He obviously doesn't care about the fact we were running in school, it's more like he has something personal against us, but I don't even know this bastard!

"But if you insist that it was your fault, perhaps I will just give you detention Shibuya" he said looking directly at Yuuri.

"But…but I have baseball practice" Yuuri stated weakly.

"That's not cool man, drop it Hayato" Chiako added.

Before I could say anything, Mariko spoke with her high pitched voice cutting above everyone else "Oh stop being such a tight ass Haya!" her boobs giggled up then down before settling down at the centre of her chest once more as she abruptly stood up straight in her chair. I could see that Kaz following the movement with his chop sticks.

"I am only being fair miss Miyagi" He said thickly, "Please do not address me as 'Haya' either."

"Hmmph, what a jerk, no wonder you don't have a girlfriend" was her only reply, Norio sniggered, and I could see a vein suddenly become visible on Hayato's forehead.

I was tired of this pathetic argument, and I just wanted to leave, the air felt around me felt all wrong and I couldn't stand this guy, I had to leave before I did something that I would really regret. I am not here to get in trouble or waste my time, I am here to learn, to make something of myself, to make my brothers proud I reminded myself. I also don't want Yuuri to get a detention and be late for practice I thought bitterly.

So trying to sound as sincere as possible, I finally said "You know Hayato. Your right, I shouldn't have been running, it will not happen again." Please just accept that I begged harshly in my head. I was careful not to actually say that I was sorry, I gritted my teeth and waited for his reply.

He sipped his ice green tea, poking at the ice cubes before saying, "Fine, I'll let you off with a warning."

That was all I needed to hear, I turned on my heel, emptied the food on my tray and left quickly, not caring of Yuuri was coming with me or not.

"Hey! Wait Wolfram! Do you even know where your going! You could get lost!"

Feeling the frustration that had built up inside me begging for release, I snapped at Yuuri "I'm not two years old Yuuri! I don't need you to hold my hand!" I whispered harshly, he was so close to me, I didn't want to yell and draw unnecessary attention.

"What the heck is your problem! I'm just trying to be helpful, you don't need to be such a bum!" he frowned down at me.

"Right. Just because Conrad asked you to doesn't mean I want you following me around like a fucking cat and mouse!"

I knew I was just sprouting nonsense, I don't even know what we're arguing about now, but when he looked at me the way a parent would if they were telling off their child; I decided right then I didn't want to see his face anymore. I hurried towards the door increasing my pace with each step. The moment I was out the hall, away from Yuuri, away from the prying eyes of Hayato I knew I would run, just run anywhere.

"Hey Wolfram, don't just leave!" Yuuri shouted watching Wolfram disappear out the door.

"See you at practice Shibuya!" Chiako called out dryly.

Norio spoke "What do you think of the new fly on our flower?"

Kaz just sighed.

"Well, I'll certainly have to keep an eye on him, we can't have him spoiling the pollen grains now" said Hayato.

Mariko looked at Hayato, "What on earth are you talking about?"

* * *

_There you have it guys, the second chapter finished, I'm sorry if the story seems so slow moving, it's just necessary to get some of the background information out way._

_Forgive any mistakes please. _

_Let me know what you think though, please review it makes me feel like I'm not mindlessly writing crap. _

_I know what I'm going to write next, but I'm thinking I should try out a different point of view now, probably it will be Yuuri next. _

_ I doubt I'll be able to update the next chapter as quickly, but until the next chapter. x ;)_


	3. Chapter 3 The Dance Above the Shadows

Disclaimer: Kyo Kara Moah is not mine.

Thank you all again for your lovely reviews, I am becoming ever busier and I just feel plain depressed all the time. But writing does help sometimes, so without further ado, here is chapter three.

**Chapter 3: The Dance Above the Shadows**

_Beginnings are sudden, but also insidious. They creep up on you sideways, they keep to the shadows, they lurk unrecognized. Then, later, they spring. – Margaret Atwood _

Yuuri's pov

I heard Chiako call out from behind me, I didn't want to turn around to reply, I was afraid I will lose sight of Wolfram. With some difficulty trying not to bump into oblivious people with food trays I made it outside the dining hall.

"Oh no" I groaned. "Which way could he have gone?" I thought frantically whipping my head left and right. Come on! Just pick a direction!

"buya…, Shibuya!" I heard a voice call my name.

"Err, ah Kosei!"

"Yeah thanks for noticing me, I called your name like three times!"

"Ahh, I'm sorry! No time to explain, but have you seen Wolfram?"

"Wolf…ram? Who's that?" Kosei asked.

Duh! It's Wolfram's first day, not everyone knows him Yuuri, use your head.

"Errr…he has blond hair, green eyes, erm mediumish build….kind of well" I hesitated, what more can I say about Wolfram?

"Oh yeah, I saw someone run by with blonde hair, I don't know if his eyes were green, but he looked like a foreigner, he seemed to be in quite a rush."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah Shibuya, it's kind of hard not to notice a boy running past you looking like he had death on his back, not to mention his blonde hair pretty much stands out a mile away."

"So which way did he go!?" I demanded.

Kosei frowned at me before pointing to the left, and that was the only sign I needed. Like a sprinter hearing the gun firing at the beginning of a race, I took off in a mad dash.

"Thanks Kosei, see you later!" I shouted over my shoulder.

"Wait Shibuya! I forgot to tell you…" Kosei's voice died down into a whisper, Yuuri was long gone now.

* * *

I pumped my arms as I ran, all the while trying to figure out what I did wrong, but I honestly didn't know! I guess I should just ask Wolfram when I see him, though something tells me he won't be too keen to talk with me, suddenly I felt like I was running a hopeless race.

How did this happen? We were supposed to finish eating and then Wolfram was going to tell me something, instead he just blew up on me. He was just being childish, that was the only rational explanation I could form right now, I mean what else could be the reason he got so upset?!

Suddenly it me, maybe it was what Hayato said, I could feel myself blushing. Wolfram might be embarrassed because Hayato had implied he and I were doing…well doing things. Oh, how wonderful, that was one topic I was hoping to never need to bring up again, especially with Wolfram! Now come on Yuuri, be a man! If that's what Wolfram is upset about, just talk to him and get it over with otherwise it's just going to be awkward between you two until the matter is addressed.

Now that I think about it, it must be really hard on Wolfram, the first day of school is difficult enough as it is but now I've gone and gotten him in trouble with a prefect, and he's been accused of being gay, ahh and with me of all people! God knows it's only a matter of time before rumours start spreading! Considering the fact that I have never had a girlfriend, and he's some exotic good looking foreigner definitely won't help our case, I thought wearily.

But no, I can worry about that later, right now I just need to find Wolfram, after all I promised Conrad I would look out for him, I added as a side thought suddenly feeling the need to justify my reason for wanting to be with him. There is something about today, I don't know what it is but I just can't shake this weird feeling away.

I didn't stop running until I reached the end of the passage, great another turning, but at least I know whichever way Wolfram decided to go from here would mean he would end up in either the art studio or the woodwork classroom. I decided to try the art studio first. I might be at the completely wrong place I thought as I went to open the door, I prayed that I might find him in here, and I really hoped he didn't enter one of the classrooms that I already passed.

I turned the handle on the door and gently pushed it opened. The art studio had always been a messy place whenever I have visited before; pieces of cloth draping off chairs, papers and paint pots threatening to fall off the table, but today the room was meticulously clean. I was not impressed. Despite being so colourful and full of fancy designs and vibrant paintings hanging on the walls, the room looked so lifeless, there was no Wolfram. Even the beautiful view of Saitama city provided by the balcony connected to the art room didn't lift my mood.

As I sighed and turned to leave, I heard something, it sounded like the rain? Was it raining? I entered the art room and walked towards the tall windows that helped illuminate the art studio when it was sunny, and sure enough it was raining again. It wasn't raining hard at all, but a steady light drizzle, I've always found the rain so soothing, just watching the way the rain drops fall; eager to kiss the earth made me feel relaxed; it stirred something in me that made me feel wonderful.

I need to find Wolfram I reminded myself. The glass doors of the art room that led to the adjacent balcony outside suddenly rattled. Well what bright spark left the outside doors open? I moved to the door to close it, if it were to open completely and there turned out to be heavy rain, the artwork in here would surely get ruined.

As I went towards the glass doors, I looked through the glass, hopeful that Wolfram might even be on the balcony. Despite the slight condensation on the glass doors, it was plain clear to see that Wolfram was not on there. I sighed again and looked at the rain, I almost felt drawn to it.

"Ah this is no time for you to decide that you want to re-live your childhood memories in the rain! You need to find Wolfram!" I scolded myself. I instantly clamped my hand over my mouth, if someone walked in right now I would look pretty stupid yelling at myself.

With one more look at the light rain outside, I did a 180° turn to head towards the door that would lead back to the passageway I had come from, but then suddenly deciding otherwise I rotated another 180° once more to face the glass doors again. I ran outside to the centre of the balcony, standing in the spitting rain I looked up behind me at the school roof.

I was right! I praised myself, for there was Wolfram leaning on the railings on top of the building facing the east side; staring at who knows what. He had yet to see me I realised.

"WOLFRAM!" I yelled, I couldn't see the expression on his face from this far away but I didn't need to, I knew that I had startled him.

I proceeded immediately to climb up the ladder on the side of the art room to get up onto the roof before Wolfram could say anything, or go anywhere. Not that he could run away again, I was coming up the only ladder that could lead anyone up or down from the roof…unless of course he chose to jump off the side, I shivered at the thought.

Once at the top, I advanced towards him. Wolfram didn't move, he just stared back at me blankly, at least he looks peaceful and he seems to have calmed down.

I smiled at him, not expecting him to smile back. And he didn't, "What are you doing here Yuuri? How did you even find me?" He asked evenly.

"I'm here because we should talk, and as for finding you…well it's kind of long." I said rubbing the back of my head.

"Leave me alone, I don't want to talk", was Wolfram's only reply.

"Okay, but no I'm not just gonna leave you alone", I leaned against the railing, facing the north side I looked down at the steep drop then gulped loudly "I don't want you to do anything stupid". I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. The peaceful expression Wolfram had on his face morphed into an ugly glare directed at me. Nice going Yuuri, I applauded myself in my head, he's upset not suicidal you idiot!

"Look _Yuuri_, I don't know what your deal is, but I can take care of myself, piss off!"

"I'm sorry okay, I'm well…I don't know…" I trailed off, not really sure how to start or what I should even say.

"Arrrrh!" I finally yelled, roughly scratching my scalp with my nails. "I don't know what I did wrong! I'm up here because your obviously angry with me about something and I don't know what I did! But I can't exactly make it up to you or help you if you won't even speak to me to tell me what the problem is!"

"Yuuri."

"Yes" I looked up eagerly at Wolfram.

"Go away."

"Huh?"

"I said go away, there's nothing for you to make up for…"

"But your obviously still mad at me!" I whined, I wasn't going to back down now.

"See this is why! You are annoying, why can't you just leave me alone, I don't care if you think you've done something wrong, and I'll be mad at you if I want to be!"

Man he was stubborn, but so was I.

"I get it. It's because you feel conscious of me and don't want people to see us together, because if rumours were to spread about what Hayato said, then you'd be embarrassed." I accused him with a look of determination on my face.

But his reaction wasn't what I was expecting, I could see his ears turning red but then he burst out laughing. I could see him trying to quickly recover but his face hadn't quite returned to it's normal shade yet.

I quirked one eyebrow up at him, and I couldn't keep myself from breaking into a smile while watching Wolfram laugh like this.

"What…what…is so funny? It's serious you know, when rumours like that spread, they're vicious, and even though I can confidently say Hayato won't be the one to start the rumours…someone may have overheard", I said slowly, afraid I would say something that would make Wolfram mad again.

"Your such a wimp!" Wolfram finally said.

"So you are talking to me then!" I replied happily, ignoring the insulting term.

Wolfram looked back at me and sighed after about a two minute pause, he spoke "I think it's kind of funny. Don't you think so?"

"I don't think being gay or being accused of being gay is funny." I replied honestly. Wolfram didn't look at me and from the angle that he was at I couldn't see his face.

"Why are you here Yuuri?"

I wanted to scream in his face, didn't I tell him why already!

"I told you why Wolfram." I said in a matter of fact kind of tone.

"But why do you care? I mean I only met you this morning."

Okay, now I wasn't expecting that, "Because…" I didn't know what to say really. "You're my friend."

"You don't know me; I could be a cat killer for all you know."

I smiled at that and answered back sincerely, "I think you're a nice person, but before you say it, don't ask me why or how I know that, I just do. Also, I really don't want you to be at odds with me. I don't want anyone to stay mad it me if it can be helped."

After another pregnant pause he replied "You may be kind and considerate, but you're also so damn oblivious! You're a wimp, and you're so insensitive sometimes, I just want to hit you in the face with my shoe!"

I winced at the venom in his voice, but I also thought about what he said carefully. So obviously I did something, or may be several things to offend him to cause him to feel this way about me.

Suddenly it hit me, the last the Wolfram said to me before he ran away 'Just because Conrad asked you to doesn't mean I want you following me around like a fucking cat and mouse!'

"And I hate the way you follow me around, like you have to. You don't bloody have to!" Wolfram looked at me angrily, the hurt look on his face was clear to see.

Bingo. If Wolfram isn't upset about what Hayato said about us, then it must be because he feel's I'm trying to be his friend only so I can get pally with Conrad! That explains why he's acting this way now, I was disgusted with the idea that Wolfram would think that I would use him like that.

"Wolfram, please look at me." Wanting to see the hurt look vanish off his face as quickly as possible I continued "I swear to you I'm not trying to be your friend because I want to get close to Conrad or anything, I want to be your friend because I want to be."

He looked momentarily shocked, then added "That's not even it! I can tell you'd be too much of an idiot to be able to use me for such a purpose, I'm not thick! Don't think too highly of yourself, you're not that capable!"

Somehow, I was not at all offended by his words, I think I have a fairly good idea of what he was actually trying to say. But I still didn't have the answers I wanted.

"Then what Wolfram? What is it?"

"It's like your only here talking to me because of Conrad! Like your only here for Conrad, and not for me."

I was so confused, didn't Wolfram just contradict himself? It's because of Conrad, then not because of him? I'm here for Wolfram, then I'm not because I'm here for Conrad apparently…

"I don't want to be in my brother's shadow." He added quietly.

What has this got to do with me! Mama help me, help me to understand I pleaded!

"I really don't understand Wolfram."

"Of course you wouldn't! Do you know what it's like to have to be constantly under the foot of your brothers?!

"Brothers? You have another brother?"

"Yes, Gwendal Von Voltaire, maybe you heard of him." He added sourly.

"Wha…! You mean the one that owns that massive textiles company?! The one with that crazy bad omen bird logo?!"

"Yes" Wolfram said dryly.

"Wait that must mean he is related to Conrad too." I added realising what I had just said was pretty bleeding obvious, Wolfram also didn't look too impressed so I smiled at him sheepishly. "But wait, I've seen a picture of him in the newspaper showing some kind of sale statistics graph, and now that I think about it...none of you look alike."

Wolfram rolled his eyes "That's because we have different fathers."

"Oh" I decided not to ask anymore questions regarding this topic, it seemed a bit too personal.

"Yes so I have two famous brothers and I am nobody."

"That's not true Wolfram…" before I could continue, he cut me off.

"Yes, it is true! But it won't be this way for ever, I will make something of myself, that's why I am here now."

I suddenly saw Wolfram in a different light and I wanted to reach out to him, I guess in one sense he is sacrificing a lot to be here. With Gwendal Von Voltaire and Conrad Weller as your brothers, surely that would mean he could have easily gone to the best private school in Japan.

Wolfram was certainly a difficult person to understand.

"Wolfram, I still don't understand what your so upset about." I admitted.

He looked at me and I held his gaze firmly waiting for his reply. He sighed loudly, "I…it's just difficult. I hate school sometimes...today's just been such a crap day…and you pushed all the right buttons to set me off. From what you said in the lunch hall when we were eating, then making it seem like you are only here for me because of Conrad, and then there's your constant goofy cheerfulness. Also there was that Hayato guy, he just made me feel…uncomfortable at the time. Guess it's kind of funny now."

I still didn't really understand and I don't think he was telling me everything, there had to be more to it, but I offered him a sympathetic smile regardless.

"First days are hard, it get's better."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." He added quietly.

"That's alright" I said quickly. "Now how about we get off the roof, my uniform is starting to soak up water. Wolfram suddenly looked around like he was only noticing the rain now.

"Yeah let's go."

"I like the rain" I said as we walked toward the ladder to climb down.

"Hmmm" Wolfram said in agreement, one look at him and I could tell he was deep in thought about something.

* * *

When we were inside of the art classroom, I shut the glass door firmly. When I turned around I looked at Wolfram, he was fingering one of the garments on the table while looking around the studio.

When he noticed I was watching him, he blushed slightly.

I laughed "Do you like the room?"

"It's alright." He said casually.

"Really?" I teased. "Do you like art and things like..." I looked around the room for something to say "I don't know knitting?"

"Yeah, I like art. Gwendal taught me how to knit when I was younger, though I don't really knit often. I guess you could say I like the arts in general, whether it's music, drawing, painting, dancing or fashion." He said proudly.

Well that's new I thought, he never mentioned liking those things in his introduction, he only mentioned liking sports. "It sounds nice, hey these are all forms of like…self-expression?" I said unsurely.

"Yes Yuuri, I'm surprised someone like you could figure out that much" he added smugly.

"Hey! I'm a man of sport, gimme a break!" I added sounding smug myself.

Wolfram looked at me and tilted his head to the side, "Speaking of sport. Yuuri, don't tell anyone that Conrad is my brother."

"Err okay?" I wasn't sure how to take that.

"Stop sounding like such an idiot! It's not like I'm ashamed, but can't you see it would be troublesome for me if this got around the school! That goes for Gwendal too!"

"Geez okay, I get it. No need to shoot me down."

"Hmmph!" was his only reply.

"But you can't really keep something like that a secret, someone's gonna find out." I gently added, on the inside I felt kind of special. I'm privy to one of Wolfram's secret, I don't see what the big deal is, but Wolfram seems adamant that people don't know and he's trusting me not to say anything.

I smiled.

"What the hell are you randomly smiling about Yuuri!"

"Ahh, nothing!"

"See this is what I mean, your so bloody cheerful for no reason!"

"I was just smiling, it's not a crime."

Wolfram turned around and headed towards the door that leads into the passageway.

I suddenly felt afraid that Wolfram might run away again, I looked at his back feeling panicked.

"Well aren't you coming! Lunch time must nearly be over, I'm not going to get into trouble with that fish faced prefect for running and I don't want to be late for afternoon registration!" he threw over his shoulder.

I heaved a sigh of relief, "Yeah I'm coming wait up! Do you even know where you're going?!"

...

Unbeknownst to both Yuuri and Wolfram, a lone figure had been standing, leaning behind the resources cupboard in the art room.

* * *

After registration, Mrs Ishikawa told Wolfram to go to the headmaster's office, apparently the headmaster wanted to know how his day went. Wolfram didn't look too pleased, but nonetheless he promptly made his way over to headmaster Matsuo's office.

My last lesson was chemistry; it was passing in a boring blur, I thought about Wolfram and everything he said, man he sure was an emotional rollercoaster. Then I somehow found my train of thoughts going back to my awesome experience of meeting Conrad Weller this morning.

Well, I guess it wasn't that great, considering the circumstances we met under, but I'm happy to know him now and I really do hope I will be able to meet him again. Eventually my mind wondered to a comfortable place; baseball. It was just me and baseball, baseball and me, when I'm playing it's like I can feel some kind of passion burning deep inside of me, every time the bat kisses the ball it's like I'm adding more fuel to that fire. I sure hope we make it; I would love to play at Shin M. Stadium!

I wonder why Wolfram never played in his old school? Surely they had a team there, and with Conrad Weller as your brother, he must be good right? Or maybe he isn't that good and would rather not-

"Shibuya, hey Shibuya!" I heard a desperate whisper, turning around I saw Murata looking at me with wide eyes. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Murata since this morning, not even at lunch time, I wonder where he was?

"Shibuya, you can admire me later, but right now please answer the question, Mr Akito is waiting!" he whispered back.

Question, what question?

"Well Mr Shibuya, what is your answer? Or do I need to repeat the question!?" He sneered at me.

"Ahhhahah, yes please?" For a moment I thought he was going to throw the ruler in his hand at me, instead he sighed loudly and used it to point at something on the board.

"I am telling you that sodium hydroxide which has a concentration of 0.10 mol dm-3 in this case, has been added to a 20cm3 of 0.25 mol dm-3 of propanoic acid until present in excess! Look at the graph! What is the equivalence point?!" He practically screamed.

"Errm, erm 25, yeah 25 cm3." I stammered pathetically, I heard Murata chuckle.

"Well then good! Using the other half of your single brain cell, tell me why bromocresol green would not be a suitable indicator for this titration!"

I looked at Murata for help, but he just smirked! I don't see what's so funny, you're supposed to be my friend, help me!

"Yuuri Shibuya, the answer is not written on Murata's face, look at the information given on the board then look at your data booklet!"

Right! Yeah the booklet. I hurriedly tried to find the right page, I could hear someone let out an over exaggerated sigh.

'Oh man, come on Yuuri!' For some reason I'm sure that was Wolfram's voice I heard scolding me in my head.

"Well?" I heard Mr Akito ask.

"Is it because bromocresol green…falls outside the pH range?"

"Yes it is. But you need to be more specific and refer back to the titration curve! Bromocresol green falls outside the pH range of what? Your arms reach?! I sure hope you won't answer a question in an exam like that!" He added sharply before proceeding to ask Rina for a suitable indicator.

I let out a heavy sigh, I turned around and glared at Murata who was still chuckling.

"Thinking about someone were you?!" he asked playfully.

I didn't reply, but I glared at him harder.

* * *

"Hey Shibuya!" I heard someone call my name as I walked towards the changing room.

"Ah Kosei."

"What's up?"

"Nothing, really, I'm sorry to have left you hanging back then, it's just I had to find Wolfram."

"Righhhht" he said with a knowing smile.

"Didn't you want to tell me something Kosei?"

"Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, baseball practice is cancelled."

"Cancelled?!"

"Err, yeah man that's what I just said. It's been raining on and off today, the field is too mushy to play on, oh but coach does want to meet with everyone for a meeting."

"Ahh man, I've been looking forward to practice all day." I whined.

"Geez Shibuya, it's not the end of the world, and anyway come next week, we'll all be as sore as hell with practice. The competition to decide on the select players is set to start in four weeks if the weather is good of course. Man it's supposed to be baseball season and this crappy weather is killing it!" Kosei complained.

I nodded absentmindedly, the rain was annoying sometimes, but I hold such fond memories in the rain as a child I couldn't bring myself to verbally agree.

"So did you find your boyfriend?" Kosei asked casually as we walked together, he looked at me and offered me a strange smile, I couldn't decide whether it was a smirk or just a half smile.

I reacted like someone had given me a shot "What!...boy….boyfriend?! He is not my boyfriend! I as straight as a bat!"

"Hhahahah" he laughed wildly, "But Shibuya, even a bat has a curved end!" he teased playfully.

"Come on Kosei you know me, I don't need this from you, Wolfram and I are friends, it's his first day and I was just being friendly!"

"Yeah maybe a little too friendly!" I heard a deep voice say from behind us.

"Chiako!" Both Kosei and I shouted at the same time.

"I'm only joking Shibuya, Kosei stop being a ball."

Kosei and I looked at each other, Kosei was smiling like an idiot, barely containing himself.

"Come on ladies! We don't have forever!" we heard the coach call from the end of the passage way. When Kosei was about a good five meters in front of me Chiako turned to me.

"Yuuri" he started, Chiako ever rarely used my first name, I immediately turned to face him, there was something about his smooth masculine voice that commanded obedience. "I know you are just being nice to Von Bielefeld, but this is a one in a lifetime opportunity for us all. You know how this profession is, you make it big or you don't."

I nodded to him seriously, I got the feeling he hadn't quite finished what he wanted to say.

"I'm going to do my best to make it onto the select team. Your good Shibuya, you making it onto the select team is very much a reality, but that also means you have to keep it real. I don't mean cut yourself off from the world, but what you need to do is stop getting distracted, keep your head in the game."

With that Chiako walked off to join up with Kosei, I stood rooted on the spot. I thought carefully about Chiako's advice and I pushed aside any feelings of offence I felt at what he had just said.

Suddenly all the lights in the corridor turned on, shielding my eyes with one hand, I looked up into the artificial light, I guess with all the thick grey rain clouds outside; it was starting to look kind of dark. I looked back down onto the floor and observed my elongated shadow. I moved my hand to the left then to the right in a waving motion, of course my shadow simultaneously did the same thing.

"Come on Shibuya! What are you doing all the way back there!" I heard my coach yell.

I smiled brightly. "I'm on my way!"

* * *

And that's the third chapter, I'm trying to build up on Yuuri and Wolfram's relationship as friends first. I was a little sceptical about what I wrote, I'm not sure if Wolfram would be quite so open with Yuuri just like that, but I hope I managed to achieve the gradual build up successfully.

By the way, what happened to Yuuri in that chemistry lesson was based on something similar that happened to me, for me it was just humiliating, Yuuri had it easy. ;(

Again I'm really sorry for any mistakes.

Next chapter will probably be from Wolfram's pov.

Let me know what you think, reviews are encouraging.


	4. Chapter 4 Making the jigsaw pieces fit

Disclaimer: Kyo Kara Moah is not mine.

Thank you everyone for your reviews, they certainly do lift my mood. As for any of you wondering when Wolfram's ED becomes full blown, well it's not yet! Also it certainly won't happen so suddenly as someone in school calling him fat or anything, (not saying that eating disorders can't start that way, but that's just not how it's going to happen to Wolfram).

I have reviewed my chapter plan, and the plot will really start to take shape soon, something is coming up in a few chapters! People go to the library or the internet and read about blood! And for those of you that don't want to do that; I'll explain later.

This chapter will mainly be a looooooooong conversation, but it's necessary, you'll see why in later chapters.

**Chapter 4: Making the jigsaw pieces fit **

"_Somehow, we'll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are." ― Brandon Sanderson_

Wolfram's pov

I briefly thanked the chauffer for dropping me home, something I picked up from Conrad of course; he always thanked the chauffer which I used to think was quite unnecessary after all he was just doing his job, it was expected of him. Whatever I thought as I looked up at our new house.

I had to admit, it was more homely than anywhere else I have lived before, sure it wasn't as big as the huge mansion I lived in when I was in Germany as a small child, or nearly as big as the house mother, Gwendal, Conrad and I lived in when we first moved to Japan. But I loved this house possibly more than any of those other places, that wasn't to say that this place didn't have any quirks to it; with a private study for my brother, an art room joined to my bedroom, and not to mention two spare bedrooms each with their own bathroom. At most I would say the place was fancy but it was more modest than that, it was just right for Conrad myself.

I entered the house and took off my shoes, taking note of the fact that Conrad's house slippers were neatly in the corner. So he isn't back from work yet, but then why can I smell food?

Just as I was about to stick my head into the kitchen, suddenly a figure dressed in a maid's outfit appeared. Despite the copious amounts of makeup, the sky blue eyes, the tangerine orange hair and the bulging biceps were a dead giveaway.

"Yozak!" I shrieked. What was Yozak doing here? Probably waiting for Conrad; I supplied my won answer.

"Ahh, honey you're home! Dinner is almost ready, five more minutes and the pasta bake should be done!"

"What are you wearing?!" Why am I even bothering to ask!

"Hugh? Oh this? I'm testing it for your dear brother, Gwendal that is. Your brother's company have been hired to make the costumes for a new film. It's about a maid that is really a secret spy, so she will have to wear the maid costume for much of the film even when she is kicking ass, so I offered my services your brother and said I would try out the costume to see how comfortable it is to wear."

Yozak said sweetly, somehow I don't think that's what Gwendal had really said, Yozak probably just took the maid outfit, he always like dressing up as women anyway. I glared at him.

"What? Don't you like it honey?!" He spoke in a squeaky woman's voice, "I can take it off, I wouldn't mind." I paled as he winked seductively, or at least I think it was meant to be a sexy wink, I can never tell with Yozak.

"No, keep your bloody clothes on!" I yelled horrified at the thought of a naked Yozak.

"Come on now honey, watch your language, what are you going to do when the kids come along?" He smiled at me sweetly.

His voice was seriously starting to piss me off, why is the world intent on ticking me off today?!

I replied as calmly as I could, "Yozak, I'm tired and if you don't have anything important to say to me I would like to take a bath and go to bed. And don't ask me, I don't know when Conrad will be coming back." Only when I said it did I realise that I truly was ridiculously tired.

I must have sounded convincing because Yozak looked at me seriously. "Don't be silly! You can't go to bed with no dinner, big boys such as yourself need to eat plenty to grow up big and strong. Why don't you go drop off your bag and wash your hands kiddo while I go squeeze some lemon into the salad." He said cheerfully, well at least he dropped the girly voice.

I sighed and did as I was told, I was quite hungry I noted, and the pasta did smell good.

* * *

When I sat down at the small dinner table in the kitchen, Yozak placed a handsome serving of pasta, garlic bread and salad, along with chilled ginger beer.

Before I scorched down everything in front of me, I looked over at Yozak who was washing up a chopping board at the sink. Why didn't Conrad get a dish washer?

"Won't you eat as well?"

"I'm going to wait for your brother." He replied, he turned around and smiled at me pleasantly.

I should have expected that, when Yozak looked away, I took the first bite of the pasta, and it tasted absolutely wonderful. The pasta was firm yet chewy, and the spices in the tomato sauce were married together so well I resisted the urge to moan in pleasure. Even the salad which I always felt tasted like crunchy water was sweet and crispy; the lemon gave it a sharp taste, coupled with a little black pepper made it perfect. Washed down with cool smooth ginger beer which left a satisfying tingling sensation at the back of my throat, it was heavenly.

I picked up a piece of garlic bread and envisioned what it would taste like, suddenly it occurred to me that Yozak must have made this meal especially for Conrad. After Conrad came back from America, he had developed a great liking for pasta and Yozak only seemed too happy to make it for him.

A pasta might sound simple enough, but I knew better, Yozak had put a lot of thought into it, taking another look at the pasta bake I could see the diced onion partially caramelized, the finely chopped basil, along with at least three types of cheese with a variety of beans; pinto, kidney and flageolet by the looks of it.

The dish was practically oozing with love, I guess it's nice…Conrad has someone who cares for him so dearly.

"You enjoying the food?!" Yozak piped up taking a seat at the opposite end of the table.

"Not bad Gurrier, though I think you could have added a little more salt to the garlic bread, the bread tastes rather plain." I replied haughtily.

"Really?" He grinned at me wickedly. "You ate it so fast, I'm surprised you even noticed."

I blushed lightly, but instead of replying I took a large sip from my ginger beer.

A comfortable silence fell over us, while Yozak ate a hand full of grapes while I continued to eat my dinner at a more urbane pace.

When I finished eating, I was sorely tempted to ask for seconds but decided against it, Yozak immediately got up from his seat and made his way over to the fridge. He came back to the table and placed a slice of caramel and vanilla cheesecake topped with strawberries, he then handed me a fork.

"Conrad's favourite." I observed, stealing a quick glance at the other man in the room.

It was Yozak's turn to blush, "Yeah, it is."

The dinner was delicious, but I didn't know how to describe the desert, who needs sex when you can find so much pleasure in food…

"It's really nice, I'm sure Conrad will like it. Thanks." I said quietly, no doubt Yozak heard judging by the way he was grinning madly.

"Now that's a compliment if I ever heard one."

As I carried on eating I became aware of the fact that Yozak was staring at me.

"What? What are you looking at?" I finally said when I couldn't take it anymore.

"Nothing really."

"Then let me eat in peace."

"It's just, come to think of it, a few years ago I don't think you would have thanked me if I saved your life, much less sound grateful. I always knew you were a big softie underneath, that's one thing all of you brothers have in common."

"Okay Yozak."

"No I'm serious, Gwendal loves cute things, Conrad is…well he's just" I could see Yozak struggling to find the right words to describe him, he finally settled for "Well I mean look at the man with his caring eyes, gentle smile and soft touches, and-"

Now that was too much information. "Yozak! Shut up! Why don't you just tell Conrad those things huh? I'm sure he'd love to hear you say it" I teased, honestly why won't this man just let me enjoy my cheesecake, I'm not asking for the world, I just want to eat my cheesecake!

"Yeah well…moving on, then there's you"

"What about me?" I asked unable to stop myself.

"You're difficult"

"Hanh" I agreed.

"No, I mean of course your _difficult_, like your kind of a brat, your annoying, loud, rude, a little weird and maybe even-"

"What's your point?!" I snapped having heard enough.

"See what I mean?!" he added boldly. "But you're also…amiable…well kind of, at least when people get to know you."

"Why are you telling me this?" I couldn't help but sound a little annoyed.

"Because you are very dear to Conrad, and what he cares about, I want to also care about." He said sounding every bit honest.

I was a little taken back that Yozak would try and speak to me on such a personal level, whenever we usually talked it was normally just pleasantries and teasing. It's not that I especially disliked the orange haired man, it's just I've never really had any interest to seek him out.

But now, is he trying to say he wants to get to know me better after all these years? I felt guilty for not really caring, awkward; well because this is Yozak I'm talking to, and perhaps a little hurt; he was only doing this for Conrad, he doesn't really want to care for me. I settled for feeling annoyed, it was something I was more comfortable with than the latter feelings.

I glared at him, "Well you'll have to find a different way to please my brother, I'm sure you are very good at that! But I won't be leverage for you just so you can get in his good books!" I snarled.

"Hey now!" he said raising his hands and closing his eyes. "I didn't mean to sound like I want to use you kiddo. And besides I much prefer being in Conrad's naughty books" he said opening his eyes and winking.

Why does everyone need to reassure me that they are not only there for me because of Conrad, I thought back wearily to the conversation I had with Yuuri on the school roof. I don't want to have a similar conversation with Yozak. I sighed again, I just want to go to bed; my limbs felt heavy, I could feel a headache coming on and my heart was beating kind of fast for some reason; I could hear it loudly pulse around my ears as I moved my jaws.

"And I also think you're kind of interesting." He paused before continuing, "See I don't get why you chose to go to a public school again, I was always under the impression you weren't too fond of anything too public." He looked thoughtful and then he smiled, "I think it's good in a way, it makes you stand out from your brothers."

"Exactly."

Yozak slightly raised his eyebrows at me.

"So then what exactly do you plan to do?"

"I honestly don't know." I replied wishing the conversation would end, but I felt I didn't even have the strength to get up and leave.

After about a minute of silence he spoke again, "You could always join Gwendal and his company, you don't have to do the manual labour if you don't want to, you could be a representative, or a managing director if you're extra nice to your brother. Or I'm sure Conrad would love it if you took up baseball with him just as well, you did play with him when you were younger."

"No, I don't want anything to do with them."

Yozak suddenly looked at me blankly, I was so tired and I guess what I just said came out sounding rather harsh.

"What I mean is; I want to do something different. Something for myself."

"I get it." He watched me carefully. "But you're not sure yet."

"No."

"Well something like your future isn't something you can decide overnight, y'know. I had several jobs before I worked for your brother."

"What exactly do you do for Gwendal anyway?"

"Oh all sorts of things." He said mischievously.

I rolled my eyes, even after all these years I have no idea what Yozak did for my brother, one minute he was trying out different clothes, the next he was all the way in Singapore overseeing some shipments. Something tells me he won't tell even if I asked again, not that I really cared.

"The point is, before you decide, you need to look at what you're good at, what you think you really want to do and what you already have, from there you can starting searching for what you can do." He said sagely.

"What do you mean?" I said rather impatiently.

Yozak sighed without making a sound, "Like Conrad for example, he loves baseball, he's athletic and he's patient, that makes him perfect for being a baseball coach now. Or your eldest brother, he likes knitting and he likes to be in control and boss everyone around, so he manages very well as the head of a textiles company."

"So what am I good at?" I asked out loud without meaning too.

"That's something for you to decide Wolfram."

I definitely didn't want to continue this conversation I decided. Plopping the strawberry into my mouth I stood up slowly.

"You alright?"

"I have a headache, I'm going to have a bath."

"I'll clear up, but think about what I said."

"I find it difficult to take anything you say seriously when you're a man in a dress wearing lipstick and mascara." I said handing my desert bowl to Yozak.

I heard him chuckle as I left the kitchen.

* * *

After my bath, I felt as though my body had soaked up a tonne of water while I was in the tub as I dragged myself to bed.

When I lay down on the bed I closed my eyes and begged for sleep to pass over me. In the quiet of the room again I became aware of the fact that my heart was beating rapidly, as I lay on my side, hearing blood rushing about my head was making me uncomfortable.

I turned onto my back and stared up the ceiling, as annoying as today was; it wasn't as bad as it could have been I told myself, partly satisfied with that thought I fell into a dull sleep.

* * *

When I woke up again I checked the time on my alarm clock, it was 7.14pm, so I only slept for about one and an half hours. I looked around the room and saw someone had closed the curtains, Conrad must be back.

I got out of bed, deciding I really needed to take some ibuprofen for this headache, I made my way outside to go downstairs.

As I went downstairs I could hear a rustling sound coming from the living room.

I stuck my head in through the door way to the living room and I was greeted with a sight I don't think I could ever forget; Yozak and Conrad were making out on the sofa. From where I was standing I was confident that they wouldn't be able to see me if they didn't turn around, I stood rooted on the spot without making a noise.

It was a disturbing sight really and I knew I shouldn't be watching this but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

Yozak touched my brother's collar bone running his index finger along it tracing up his neck before settling his left hand on his earlobe while he kissed him passionately. Whilst my brother was fingering Yozak's biceps then pinching at the skin on his elbow and using his left hand to the cup the side of the other man's face.

Their kisses became feverish and desperate, they were in such an uncomfortable position by the looks of it from where I was standing but they carried on regardless; uncaring, and barely stopping to catch their breaths.

There was a voice in my head that screamed bloody murder, run away, run away! But I was mesmerised by the sight, the touches were gentle, loving, at the same time they were strong and demanding.

I backed away quietly, and made my way back upstairs forgetting the ibuprofen.

When I was back inside my room, my legs felt like jelly and I slid down against the door, I stared at everything in my room in semi darkness. My heart was beating wildly, but I knew why this time. It was longing, crying for love, companionship and security, but not the kind given to you by your family, but the kind you have to find in a lover.

As my breathing returned to normal and I had the strength to stand, I suddenly became aware of the fact that I felt so empty.

* * *

Five days later

It was a Saturday, I was watching Yuuri and some of his teammates play baseball in the park, they seemed to try and fit in a match whenever possible to get any extra practice in.

I sat a good distance away on a bench in the shade, I didn't want Yuuri asking me to come and play again, I could tell that some of his teammates weren't too keen on the idea of me playing. I can understand why though, it's not like I'm going to actually participate in this competition so I would just be wasting their time, besides I was content to sit back and watch.

"They aren't too bad, don't you think so?" I heard a voice ask from behind me.

It was Yuuri's friend Murata. "Mind if I sit down?"

I shook my head, though I would really much rather be alone. There was something about this boy that made me feel I needed to be extra cautious around him, he wasn't unpleasant, in fact he was easy to get along with if you put aside his weirdness and perverted sexual tendencies, I could actually hold an intelligent conversation with him, sometimes.

"Ahh, it's such a nice day." He said.

I wanted to say I have eyes too so I can see for myself, and considering the fact that this boy wore glasses; I could probably see better than him anyway, however there wasn't any need for me to be rude so I answered back agreeably, "Yeah, it is."

"So how did you find your first week of school?"

I hated questions like these, Conrad probably asked me every question possible to do with school, everything from the taste of water at the water fountain to the colour of the walls in my biology classroom.

"It was alright."

"Well that's good then" he replied cheerfully, unlike the cheerfulness displayed by Yuuri; Murata's often seemed fake I noted.

"I'm curious, why did you move school? You seem to be well behaved in lessons and from what I have seen you seem pretty smart, so why did you leave your old school? If you don't mind me asking."

Well you just asked me; so I can't just childishly ignore you! "I left because it was more convenient for my brother." I said vaguely without looking at the boy sitting on the other end of the bench.

"I should imagine, he must be very busy now."

I instantly turned around and looked at him sceptically, "What do you mean?"

"Well with the tournament in about three weeks, I'm sure your brother must have a lot to do."

Tournament? So this boy knows who my brother is? But how? Yuuri is often with this boy, but he promised he wouldn't tell anyone I reassured myself.

"How do you know who my brother is? What are you a prefect like Hayato?" I asked calmly, but even if he was a prefect, I don't see why he would know such a thing. "Did Yuuri say anything to you?" I asked hotly.

"No Yuuri never said anything…and well you could just say I run special errands for the headmaster. We have that trip coming if you remember; it's my job to review emergency contact numbers to check if they are up to date. When I looked over your contact details I saw your first contact was a Mr Conrad Weller, it also stated that his relation to you was that he was your half-brother."

I was not at all impressed with this boy, but instead of glaring at him I stared at him plainly, I didn't want him to see how affected I was by what he just said to me.

"But you don't need to worry, I think I can understand why you didn't mention it before. And anyway, I'm not allowed to reveal confidential information, so no worries about me spilling beans to anyone." He said casually.

What he said all made sense, but I still felt a little on edge.

"Yuuri seems quite fond of you." He said suddenly.

Talk about a shift in topic, it took me a second to gather my thoughts, "I know what you are like Murata, stop trying to make a fuss."

"Awww, but I'm not, I'm serious I think he likes you."

I hope I wasn't blushing, man I wish I never invited this boy to come and sit down with me. "Of course he does, Yuuri likes everyone!"

"Maybe, but I've known Yuuri for longer than you have, I can tell."

"Tell what!"

But Murata only raised his eyebrows at me.

"You'll see."

"You're beginning to piss me off, if you have something to say, then say it." I said rising to my feet, how did he manage to get me this worked up anyway?

"I was just joking, calm down von Bielefeld."

And with that I just deflated and sat back down, of course it's a joke, what was I thinking? I could tell Murata was watching me out of the corner of his eye and I couldn't stand the scrutiny anymore.

"Where are you going?"

"To see if Yuuri's nearly finished with practice." I said without looking back at him.

Murata continued to watched as Wolfram as he walked away, "I do miss him, and they do look so alike; it's painful." He looked up into the pale blue sky, "Yet, no the colour of the sky is all wrong, it needs to be a brighter blue and his eyes are the testimony." He whispered quietly.

* * *

Chapter 4: Complete!

I'm nearly done planting all the seeds, let the plot grow soon.

So what do you all think?


	5. Chapter 5 What words cannot express

_Disclaimer: Kyo Kara Moah is not mine._

_Thank you for your reviews everyone, truth be told I was quite anxious about the last chapter but I am glad it was well received. Also welcome new readers I really hope you will like this story!_

_Okay first off, I think this is going to become a permanent saying for me: **I'm terribly sorry for the grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. **It's one of the most upsetting things; posting up a chapter then finding it's littered with tiny mistakes. =( I'll try harder to spot for mistakes; I know they can ruin a good read especially when you're really getting into it._

_Before I get too deep into the story, I think it really is important to try and build up on the characters before I throw them into the main plot, which is why I decided to include this chapter where Yuuri comes over to Wolfram's house. Yuuri at Wolfram's house was originally supposed to be a small part in one chapter, I have decided to make a whole chapter out it instead._

_Extra info: By the way, this chapter is set seven days after the conversation Murata and Wolfram had in the park, meaning it is the following Saturday, so two weeks after Wolfram started school and two more weeks before the start of the baseball competition at Yuuri's school._

_For the sake of making life easier, I will spell Weller's first name as "Conrad" and not "Conrart"_

_Mixed Pov's. Enjoy_

* * *

**Chapter 5: What words cannot express **

_There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality. – Pablo Picasso _

Yuuri's pov

"Are you sure Mr Weller won't mind? You said he wasn't home right?"

"Yes Yuuri. You know, too many good manners can actually be pretty damn annoying, stop calling my brother Mr Weller. Just shut up and come along."

To be honest I felt kind of intimidated going into Conrad's house, he seem like such a cool guy, but he's a bloody baseball legend! And I'm going into his house without him even knowing! I asked Wolfram to call and ask Conrad if it's okay if I come around, but he simply retorted saying that he wasn't some small minor that needed permission to invite a play buddy over. He was typically being difficult, in other words being himself. "Yeah, but I feel pretty weird walking into another man's house when he's not even home. And this isn't just any man we're talking about" I tried.

"Yuuri! I live in this house too!" he said pulling out a set of keys. "I know you promised you'd show me around Saitama after baseball practice, but I refuse to be in public with a boy that smells like a begger's sock!"

"Hey! I can't help it, you sweat when you play baseball!"

"I know that you idiot which is why I said that you can come to my house, take a shower or whatever then you can show me around!"

"Not an idiot." I mumbled, I really did reek, one sniff at my armpits had me gagging. But this is insane, I can't just go into someone else's house to use their bathroom, it's just not normal and knowing that Wolfram was going to be in the same house made me feel awkward.

"Wolfram why don't we just go over to my house, you haven't been over yet and I'm sure my mother would love to meet you." Wait a minute, my mother meet Wolfram? Yuuri you dolt! What are you suggesting?! And Wolfram actually looks like he is genuinely considering what I just said.

"I don't think it matters who goes to who's house first, and anyway we're already here so stop being a wimp! Conrad's not going to suddenly appear and whack you around the head with a baseball bat because you used his shower gel!"

I give up with this boy I thought as I sighed. I took a good look at the house we were about to enter, on the outside there was an array of colourful flowers; red, blue and yellow, the house itself looked big but normal enough, I bet it's nice inside.

"Yuuri! Get in here already!"

"Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming. Do you speak to all your guests this way?"

* * *

Wolfram's pov

After handing Yuuri Conrad's shower gel and showing him to one of the bathrooms in the spare rooms, I went into my art room and decided to carry on with one of the paintings I started.

I started this painting a few days ago but I still hadn't finished it, it's not like I didn't have any inspiration, in fact I had fairly rough idea of exactly what I wanted to paint. But sadly most of my spare time was spent catching up on my school work; I did have a lot to get through before summer exams. It wasn't all bad, I even secretly enjoyed learning about certain things, I understood the fact that certain people did not appreciate the subject, but I really liked History; it was like reading a story but it actually happened for real. Just all the essay writing for it was the kill joy.

But it's not because of school work that I hadn't finished my painting yet, because if I wasn't studying, I would probably be sleeping. I just can't understand why I'm so tired, it's not everyday, but on some days even with a solid ten hours of sleep I would wake up and half an hour later I would feel like I hadn't slept in days. Constantly ingesting caffeine all the time can't be good for me, and it makes me need to pee every so often like an old man.

It's not like I do anything especially taxing during the daytime, and I can understand that I would be a little tired after school, but when the chauffer is driving me home I can barely keep my eyes open half the time.

I rubbed my eyes suddenly feeling drowsy again.

"Wolfram!" I jumped up dropping my paint brush in the process, well that was a rude awakening.

"What Yuuri!?"

"Erm…Where are you?" I could hear him call from my room.

"In the room to the right of my bedroom, hold on I'll come out!" I called out, just then realising I missed a good opportunity to pull a prank on Yuuri.

But before I could leave, Yuuri suddenly appeared in the doorway wearing nothing but a towel.

"Wow, is this room yours as well? What is this, some kind a creativity room?"

Creativity room? That sounds like something a toddler would have, but putting that thought aside I turned my attention to more pressing matters, or rather I tried to turn my attention away from it. While Yuuri was busy looking around the room, I was trying to look everywhere but at him.

"You weren't kidding when you said you liked art. Did you paint all these erm…unusual pictures"

I decided to speak up then and everything came out in one breath, "It's my own private art room, and yes I painted everything and they aren't unusual! Couldn't you pick a better adjective to describe my masterpieces, it's called abstract art! And what the hell are you doing standing around half naked in something only big enough to be a flimsy hand towel! Have you no decency?!"

Yuuri looked down at himself, turning red he made a beeline for my easel and dived behind it. Well that was a bit of an overreaction.

"Ahhhh! I totally forgot! Yeah, that's why I called you; I didn't want to put my dirty clothes back on, could you possibly lend me something of yours and in my defence this was the only towel I could find in the bathroom."

I just watched him, he wants to wear my clothes? There was a tingling inside of me, I've never let anyone where my clothes before, I felt like some school girl that had been offered candy by the most popular kidl in school, I felt touched and violated the same time.

"Okay…you wimp, all you had to do was ask, just give me a minute while I go into my room and get something."

After I had picked out a pair of baggy light blue jeans and a black and grey tee-shirt I went back into the art room, to find Yuuri had moved away from his hiding position from behind the canvas and seemed to be intensely concentrating on my current painting. I should imagine his face would look similar if he were writing a maths exam.

I cleared my throat to get his attention.

"Oh Wolfram."

"Here." I handed him my clothes, I actually put a lot of thought into deciding what to give Yuuri, from what I'd seen him wear so far, he didn't dress badly but he was fairly average. That suited him just fine; so I didn't think he would appreciated it if I had given him something like a blazer or slacks.

And besides, I have a feeling that Yuuri isn't going to be wearing his sweaty underwear when he put's on my jeans, so best to give him something he could keep. I didn't think Yuuri was unclean, in fact putting aside the times he did baseball practice, he smelt quite nice most of the time, I was suddenly reminded of my first day of school when I took a good sniff of Yuuri as we were lined up for assembly. Quickly pushing that memory to the back my mind, I came back to the present.

"So errr Wolfram, can you leave while I change or should I go into your bedroom?"

Only then did I realise I was still standing right in front of Yuuri.

"Change in my room, you can leave the towel on my chair."

"Thanks. Oh and errr Wolfram, your eye is green."

What did he mean by that? He should know by now that my pupils are green. "What are you saying Yuuri? Of course my eyes are green."

"No, what I mean is you have green paint on your eyelid."

"Oh" was all I said, how did I manage to get green paint on me? Oh yeah that's right, probably when I rubbed my eyes earlier.

Yuuri continued to look at me and I at him. Then unexpectedly we both burst out laughing, I didn't really get why the situation was so funny, but I just couldn't keep myself from laughing.

When we both stopped laughing Yuuri continued to look at me, "So, erm I should go change."

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to errr, wipe your eye lid?"

I thought about it for a moment, "No that's all right I'll do it myself, you go get change" I said gently.

"Okay." He said and turned to leave, I continued to watch him walk out slowly, his feet were making a gentle tapping sound, it kind of reminded me of a penguin, I desperately tried not to burst out laughing again.

* * *

3 minutes later

"Thanks for the clothes." Yuuri re-entered the art room, I put down my paint brush and turned to face him.

"Do they fit alright?" I said looking at him carefully.

"Yeah they're good, errrm the shirt fits perfectly but the jeans are a little loose." He laughed boyishly.

"Oh" I wasn't sure what to say, I was expecting Yuuri to just say that the clothes were fine and that would be the end of that conversation. "Do you want a belt?"

"Nah, that's alright."

Silence greeted us, when did it become so awkward to be in the same room as Yuuri?

"So what's that your painting, I was looking at it earlier, but I…couldn't quite tell what it was."

"Yuuri, you shouldn't look at an artist's painting if it isn't complete."

"Why?"

"You just don't, it's not right. And what do you mean you can't tell what it is, I don't expect someone like you to understand it's significance, but you should at least be able to tell what it is!" I said testily.

"Well, I can make out maybe a tree branch? But instead of leaves and fruit it's got triangles and squares hanging of it instead. Or it could be pizza topping and sauce with an orange plate in the background." He said nervously, he looked at me hopefully with big eyes. Man was he pathetic or what?

"Your not even close! And Pizza topping?! You're so insensitive! Are you trying to say that my art is so bad that you can't even tell what this is?!" I spat vehemently pointing at my masterpiece. "This is why I hate showing people anything I do! They are either too thick to understand or they have no imagination!"

"Hey I'm sorry okay, guess I just don't have your…artistic perception."

"Right you are! You don't any vision, I'm not even going to bother telling you what this is!"

"I said I was sorry, just don't get mad!"

"Hmmmph!" It's not like I expected Yuuri to get it anyway I thought bitterly.

"So I had my shower, do you want to leave? I can show you a great place where we can get ice-cream with four flavours!" he said sounding like an excited child.

That was the plan, but I was still so tired and going out just sounded like so much effort and this wasn't even me just being lazy. There was a strange weariness in my bones shooting all the way down into my legs, I could feel another headache coming on and I felt like I would throw a fit if I so much as saw litter on the ground. I was fine a minute ago, this doesn't make any sense, but I really didn't want to go out in such a sour mood, I wouldn't enjoy myself and I would spoil it for Yuuri.

It just wouldn't be fair if I said no, afterall Yuuri is here giving up his Saturday afternoon to show me around Saitama city, not to mention that he too must be tired after baseball practice.

"Wolfram?"

"Hmmm?"

"What do you say? You ready to go?"

I sighed loudly, "Yeah let's go, but first I need to take a bath." I said lazily putting away my art tools, if I take one of my caffeine tablets now and some paracetamol for this gathering headache; that should be enough time for them both to kick in before we leave.

"But you only have a bit of paint on your face, you don't need a bath, just wash your face."

"I said I want a bath! I feel dirty therefore I am going to take a bath! Surely you can at least wait for half an hour!" I snapped but I instantly felt guilty, Yuuri did nothing to deserve that. This is what I mean, I really need that bath to cool me down.

"Fine, for goodness sake! I don't see why you need to be such a prick! Go have your bath!"

I only sighed as walked out, what he said hurt my pride but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything back.

* * *

Yuuri's pov

"And he said he wasn't mad. That boy needs to get off his period already, I just don't understand why he suddenly gets so moody, he's normal one minute then a right demon the next."

I looked around the room, I wanted to sit down somewhere; I have a feeling that Wolfram will be a while. But where? I don't want to try sitting on the chair in the corner; it was covered in paint and whilst I'm fairly certain it wasn't wet I don't want to get anything on Wolfram's clothes, well that also put laying down on the floor out of the question.

Oh man! What am I meant to do?! I should have asked if it was okay to look around the house. Guess I'll just have to stay in here and try and figure what the hell Wolfram's paintings are. A hopeless task of course.

I walked over to north wall in the room, there were five paintings hanging neatly on it. Doing a double take on the paintings I could see that they weren't actually bad, in fact they all looked quite interesting even though I still had no idea what they were supposed to be showing.

Well the one on the very end looked fairly easy to figure out; there was a silhouette of a boy in the middle standing on something like a cliff, to his left was a sunset judging by the orange, red and yellow tones Wolfram had used. Then to his right was sunrise with light and dark blue hues, accompanied by hints of white and grey.

"It's certainly very interesting."

"WAAAHHHHHHH!" I screamed. "Conrad! I mean Mr Weller!" I tried to calm down, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in."

"Oh, I'm didn't mean to startle you, and please call me Conrad." He smiled at me pleasantly not at all fazed by my reaction and turned to look back at the painting. "It's strange painting, but I can definitely feel a struggle going on, can you feel the turmoil?"

What's with this guy, isn't he going to ask what I am randomly doing in his house with no Wolfram in sight? I answered his question nonetheless, "Err, well no it looks like quite a peaceful picture, there's perfect balance. See the boy is standing in the middle with dusk and dawn on either side of him." I said trying to sound confident in my deductions.

Though Conrad looked as confused as I felt, "Dusk and dawn, I never thought of it like that, I always thought it showed a power struggle between fire and water."

"Oh yeah, I guess it could be that." I paused and did a third take on the painting, considering the fact that there was no sun present in the image, Conrad's idea of it may very well be correct.

"Well whatever it is, Wolfram sure knows how to entertain the mind with his paintings." He said chuckling lightly.

"Hahahahhahah, you're right about that. Oh in case you were wondering I just stopped by here after baseball practice to take a shower before Wolfram and I go out, I used your shower gel I hope you don't mind. Wolfram's just gone to have a bath now." Wow I said everything so fast I wasn't even sure if I said everything in the right order. Get a hold of yourself Yuuri! You're embarrassing yourself.

"Well as long as you two didn't take a shower together I see no harm done." He continued to smile; I could feel my left eye twitching. How can a man look so intimidating while smiling like that?

"What of course not! Wolfram and I well…nothing weird happened I promise!"

"Really? Is that Wolfram's shirt you are wearing?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Hungh? Oh yeah, I didn't have anything to wear after my wash, Wolfram lend me this and the jeans."

"His underwear too I'm presuming." He said, there was no trace of amusement in his voice.

"What! No! I'm as bare as the moon underneath." I admitted reluctantly, Conrad raised his eyebrows and all I wanted to do was repeatedly bang my head against the wall. I'm telling _the _Conrad Weller I'm but naked under his little brother jeans.

"Don't worry Yuuri, I was just joking."

Joking, right. Why don't I believe you?

" Well, Wolfram usually takes his time when he is having a bath. In the meantime why don't you come downstairs and I'll fix you both up a snack."

Is this for real? A baseball hero wants to make me something to eat! I still can't believe he and Wolfram are even related. Just be cool Yuuri I reminded myself.

"Errr, sure I am kind of hungry, but I'll help too."

"Alright, that's fine." He chuckled, "So how is practice coming along?" Conrad asked as we began walking downstairs.

"Great! Everyone is working really hard."

* * *

Wolfram's pov

I still feel bad for lashing out at Yuuri, maybe I'll buy him something when we go out today, and maybe it is also time I got out of this bathtub, I've been in here for about twenty minutes now.

Whilst this soak made me feel a lot calmer, the physical discomfort I felt had yet to abate; my body felt sore and the water I drank when I took the two tablets felt as though they were taking a speed cruise in my stomach. And every so often, a barely noticeable ripple would pass over the water carrying with it the vibrations of my beating heart, it was fascinating and weird at the same time; I don't recall ever seeing something like it before.

I wasn't expecting a knock at the door, it was Conrad. "Wolfram, I just got back a minute ago but I made some grilled cheese sandwiches with Yuuri, hurry up before we finish them all off."

"Fine! I'll be down soon."

After two more minutes in the now lukewarm water, I convinced myself it was time I get out now. Making up my mind, I sat up in attempt to get out of the tub, though instantly I felt a powerful dizziness wash over me; it felt like all the blood in my head was rushing downwards.

Before I even had a second to work out what had happened, I found myself submerged in water, I gasped in shock. Big mistake. Warm water flooded in through my nose and mouth, I desperately clawed at the water, hoping to grab onto something. I briefly caught onto the edge of the bathtub but almost mockingly my hand slipped and slapped the water again. Even though my eyes were wide open in alarm, the edges of my vision soon began to blur and my head felt ever heavier with light-headedness. If I wasn't so dizzy and if my sight would just stay in focus for a few seconds; I could pull myself out of this mess, I thought sadly through the foggy haze in my mind. But my resolve weakened with my struggle, I could feel a dull numbness engulfing me, starting at my fingertips and toes mysteriously working it's way to my centre.

I wanted to scream for my brother to come and help me, or even for Yuuri to come running and save me. But no, they won't come, they are both in the kitchen enjoying their lunch, while I'm probably twelve feet above their heads slowly and painfully counting down the last few minutes of my life.

This is not how I imagined my death. But that's it, this is the end, I'm just going to die here; all alone.

* * *

_So this chapter is slightly shorter than the other ones, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless._

_Poor, poor Wolfram. Xxx :'(_


	6. Chapter 6 What words cannot express prt2

_Disclaimer: __Kyo Kara__ Moah is not mine_

_A/N: The second part to the last chapter is up!_

_Thank you everyone for your reviews Xxx :D by the way Pikeebo, kissing disease was actually quite a good guess, but it's not what Wolfram has. x ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 6: What words cannot express prt2**

"_When you get to the end of your rope. Tie a knot and hang on." ― Franklin D. Roosevelt_

Wolfram's pov

I stared up blearily at the waving water above my head; illuminated by a yellowish colour projected from the bathroom lights. I was convinced this darkening liquid gold in front of my eyes was the last thing I would see before I left this world, but that's when I heard it.

'_You're pathetic!' _

A voice so strong it shook the waters chilling me to my very core, I was shocked and my eyes suddenly widened.

'_Get up you fool! Get up!'_

I wanted to obey it, but I couldn't follow it's command. I was still too dizzy, the watery picture surrounding me still threatening to fade away and carry my life away with it.

'_Then you deserve to die.' _Wait, was this my own voice I am hearing?

'_So weak.' _

I scratched at the water again, I wanted to sit up and strangle who ever just said that.

'_You're nothing…Die already.'_

"Nooo!" I screamed, I gulped down the water that entered my mouth, in my induced frenzy I grabbed onto something that felt cold and solid. A tap? Of course, I'm in the bathtub! There should be a tap behind my head!

Using all the strength I had I gripped the top of the pentagon shaped tap tightly and hauled myself up. I hung my body over the edge of the tub, and squeezed my eyes shut.

Then began a coughing fit. I thought it was never going to end, my eyes stung; tears poured down my cheeks, runny mucus dripped down from my nose hanging off my chin. I didn't care, I just wanted the pain to end; my lungs burned sharply and each coughed that wracked my body threatened to make me pass out. I could hear the water I swallowed falling onto the tiles making a sickening splashing sound along with something else bitter that my stomach had heaved up.

When the convulsions began to die down after a few minutes, I debated whether I should try calling for Conrad but my throat felt like someone had taken a steel knife and carved lines going up and down, up and down repeatedly. My breath hitched at the back of my throat; it was so hard to breathe like someone was smothering me with a pillow but my lungs begged me to do so.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the now wet bathroom floor which was coming in and out of focus, I vaguely noted that there were small yellowish chunks; probably the remnants of the scrambled egg I had for breakfast. I kept my mouth open though, salivating onto the floor while wheezing like a dying donkey only to be interrupted by the occasional gag or cough.

My limbs felt heavy and I hung there like a towel put out to dry, not having the strength to move I gently closed my eyes again. I nearly died, but I'm alive was the only thought going through my head.

Ten minutes later…..

I felt a little better than I did a moment ago; the dizziness had subsided although it still hurt to breathe, my head ached viciously and all I wanted to do was just sleep; right here, right now, just as I was.

Why hasn't Conrad or even Yuuri come up yet? I need someone right now, anyone.

I slowly opened my heavy eyelids, though my limbs protested stubbornly, I carefully pushed myself back so that I was leaning against the wall, stretching out my right hand I pulled the plug so that the water would flood down the drain.

I only watched it flowing down for a second, the watery spiral it made caused a stabbing pain at the back of my eyes. Yet the sensation I felt as the water flowed around my legs was like washing dirt of a pig, it was strangely satisfying.

I sat in the empty cold bathtub for a few minutes, unaware of the fact that I was blankly staring at the wall on the other side of the room.

I sighed, I don't blame Conrad for not coming, after all, he had no reason to come back up for me again I thought sadly.

'_You really are pathetic, how old are you now? You're seventeen, not seven years old. Everytime you hurt yourself you can't just go running to your big brother hoping he will cuddle you and make you feel all better again. How can you hope to do anything for yourself when you are so reliant on your brother?! You're not a fucking baby anymore!' _

Now I immediately recognised the voice I heard earlier; the tone, the familiarity and the understanding made it all too clear, it was me, my own voice speaking to me in my head.

Still very much naked I could feel the goose bumps plump up on my back as I kneeled over to wash my face in the tub, vigorously rubbing my hands against my face. Shakily standing up, I tested my balance before gingerly stepping out of the tub, making sure not to step on the mess I made on the floor. I proceeded to rinse my mouth at the sink, almost timidly I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. I looked so pale; ashen and grey, but my nose was a delicate pink, although it was my eyes that really stood out; they were bloodshot with tears simmering on the edges. I smiled broadly, that's when the tears fell, my eyes were stinging painfully yet I continued to smile. I looked mad I decided, but never had I felt more alive, the dull pains and soreness that lingered around my body was all the evidence I needed; I am alive and it hurts.

* * *

Yuuri's pov

"Yes, it was pretty embarrassing I don't think I'd been more humiliated in my life! A dress! And it was a proper girly dress as well, the whole school judges me to this day! I don't know what my mother was thinking!" I whined, recalling a certain memory from when I was eight.

Conrad chuckled lightly into his lemonade, "I wouldn't worry about, our mother used to love dressing Wolfram up when he was younger, he always looked so adorable. I think it was because mother wanted a girl after having Gwendal and me."

"Really?" Now that I'd like to see. I bet Wolfram must have been pretty cute, I laughed evilly in my head. "Er hey, do you think Wolfram is okay? It's been well over twenty minutes, didn't you say Wolfram would be down soon?"

"Yes, you're right. But I wouldn't worry it, Wolfram doesn't like to be rushed, he'll be in a sour mood if any of us go and call him again. Don't worry, he'll come down in his own time." Conrad looked thoughtfully at the grill. "Though I fear for his cheese sandwich, if I leave it in any longer it might burn."

"I'll have it!" I said suddenly, remembering my manners I added "If that's okay."

Conrad looked at me pleasantly, "That's quite an appetite you have! Good because you'll need to keep your strength up."

"Not only that, these must be the nicest cheese sandwiches I ever had! The melted butter, diced onion and pepper are the secret ingredients that really take the hit! On a day that Shori is nice to me I'm so gonna make him one of these."

"I glad you like them. And sure, help yourself, I'll make Wolfram another one when he comes down."

"Gee, thanks Conrad." I barely know this man, but this is what I really like about Conrad, he's such a straightforward guy, pleasant and so easy to get along with.

* * *

Wolfram's pov 

Taking one of the newspapers on my desk, I placed some sheets down on the wet floor in the bathroom, later I'll spray some anti-bacterial cleaner or something and clear it up.

I should probably go downstairs; it must be at least half an hour since Conrad had called me, half an hour since I nearly died. But I'm not dead, I reminded myself.

I couldn't decide on what to do, I had a pounding headache and wanted nothing more than to snuggle up in bed, but I probably shouldn't sleep right now, common sense told me that much, and anyway I was certain if I slept now I would just have nightmares about drowning.

Even so I should at least go downstairs and take something for this headache, but that would mean I would have to talk to Conrad or Yuuri, that idea was definitely unappealing considering how raw butchered my throat felt. Although I could breathe normally enough to take in a sufficient supply of oxygen into my body, every breath I took felt like I was inhaling in a few needles that went right down my bronchi to the alveoli which were then being popped like balloons.

I groaned, it suddenly occurred to me, what if I had somehow damaged something? No, I wished to dismiss the idea instantly, the worry that thought bought with it was unwelcomed as it increased the severity of my headache and riled up my already anxious insides. I didn't see any blood; so it must just be a bit of inflammation I reasoned with myself.

Before I could ponder about this anymore, there was a knock at my door. Suddenly I felt scared and relieved at the same time, these feelings made my stomach turn unpleasantly.

"Errr…Wolfram, you in there?"

It was Yuuri.

"Wolfram?!"

After a pause I answered back, or rather squeaked out "Yes."

"Come on Wolfram…are you still mad with me?"

"No." I managed.

"Can I come in then?

"No!" I instantly regretted shouting and I hissed in pain. "I'm not decently dressed." I added after a pause, and it wasn't a complete lie I was lying topless splayed out on my bed, I sure wouldn't want Yuuri to see me like this.

"Then why don't you come downstairs when you're dressed?"

"Okay."

"Wolfram?"

"Yes?"

"Erm…nothing."

I sighed airlessly, I wish he would just say whatever it was he wanted to say but I certainly wasn't in the mood to talk, so maybe it was for the best.

"Wolfram?!"

"What?"

"Hurry down before Conrad gets you're baby pictures out!"

* * *

But it took me another five minutes to just leave my room, I was slow to get dressed and I had to test my voice before I went downstairs.

I couldn't quite place my foot on why I was acting this way, each step I took made me more nervous, but I stiffened my sore muscles as I went down. Why so much effort to pretend? Why was I bothering to hide? I didn't understand why I was doing the things that I was doing but I just went along with it anyway.

As I made my way downstairs, I could hear laughter, I stopped dead in my tracks.

I felt so uncomfortable right now, not just from the physical discomfort but their laughter was so far from what I was feeling; it made me feel so out of place. There was a burning feeling in my gut, I needed Conrad; yet here he is laughing away with Yuuri without a care in the world, and Yuuri was supposed to be here for my sake, but here he is having a good time with Conrad. It was so obvious that Yuuri would much rather be around Conrad and talk about baseball than spend time with me.

What should I do? I wanted to run into the kitchen and tell them both to piss off, yet at the same time I didn't want to interrupt them; they sounded like they were having so much fun without me…I bitterly admitted, it felt almost wrong to interfere. But I can't just not see them for no reason, maybe I could just go back to bed, then when someone comes up I could tell them I had a migraine or something. Yeah, that's what I'll do, making up my mind I turned around to go back upstairs, that's when I heard the voice in my mind call out again.

'_Coward.' _

That's it, I growled in frustration but immediately stopped when it made my throat smart. I stomped into the kitchen.

"I didn't even realise I had my pants on backwards!" I heard Yuuri say then he laughed wildly, seeing me standing in the door way he called out to me "Wolfram! You sure took your sweet time!"

"Yes, I wonder what the water bill will be this month." Conrad said from by the fridge.

Without saying a word I sat down on the nearest chair at the table.

"Do you want to eat now? There's a sandwich in the fridge I just need to warm it up."

No, eating was the last thing on my mind, my stomach still felt like it was churning bathwater and it felt cruel to shovel food down my abused oesophagus, not to mention painful.

"No, I'll eat later."

"You okay?" Yuuri asked unexpectedly.

I didn't trust myself to reply, but I knew I had to say something.

"You look quite pale Wolfram." Conrad observed, "Are you alright?"

I meekly looked up at my brother, wearing what I hope was a mask of indifference, I could see his eyes scan all over me, his expression marred with concern, I felt like I would melt; I had to immediately looked away.

Suddenly I was reminded of a memory from when I was five years old. Little big brother had gone with his father Dunheely Weller to stay with his grandmother for a few months, she had breast cancer and it seemed unlikely she would recover. Though, selfishly I didn't care, I missed my brother sorely and just wanted him to come back to me. I remember the night he was supposed to return, it had rained relentlessly while mother, Gwendal and I waited. As soon as I saw their car enter through the gates I ran like mad to greet my brother. But I slipped and fell hard, I knew Gwendal was just worried that I might have hurt myself but he spent the next fifteen minutes angrily telling off my mother saying that I was childish and needed to be taught self-restraint. It was Conrad that had looked me over with big distraught eyes. I manage to hold it all in, it wasn't until everyone was getting ready to go to bed that I showed my brother the cut on my elbow and the throbbing bruise on my knee while sobbing helplessly into his shoulder.

I knew I was jealous when Conrad used to go away with his father, the same way I am jealous now of the happy smile he had on his face when I walked into the kitchen and found him with Yuuri.

Yet I didn't want to care about that at this moment, no; all I wanted right now was to throw my hands around my brother's neck and cry, telling him how scared I was and how glad I am to see him now. But I could never do that.

I stared down at my hands instead unable to look anyone in the eyes, then folding them on the table I leaned forward and put my head down.

I could feel two tears sliding down my cheeks. I knew I should have just stayed upstairs.

"Wolfram?" Great now even Yuuri's fretting, and when did he get so close? Wasn't he sitting on the other end of the table?

"Wolfram. Tell me what's wrong." I heard Conrad's voice around my left ear, demanding yet gentle.

"Nothing." I finally managed to choke out. "I have a really bad headache."

I wonder if they'll buy it. After a short pause Conrad replied, "Hold on, I'll get you something for it before it becomes worse."

"I'll get the water!" Yuuri said enthusiastically.

I could hear shuffling and footsteps around the kitchen, I used this opportunity to dab my cheeks dry with my sleeves.

"Here."

Keeping one hand on my temple so to cover my eyes, I took the glass of water from Yuuri's hand and a small white tablet from Conrad's larger and more tanned hand.

It would be easier to swallow if I crushed the tablet in my mouth then drink a bit of water, but I was worried the bitter taste of the tablet might make me throw up. Taking a deep breath I swallowed the tablet which I am presuming is aspirin, it felt like a large boulder going down, slow and heavy.

I knew both the other occupants in the room were looking at me. Stop staring!

"I think I'm going to go to bed. Yuuri I'm sorry about today, but I don't really want to go out now."

"Oh, no sure! I understand, some other time yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Will you be okay?"

"Of course, I'm not a wimp like you. It's just a headache."

"Riiiiight."

As I made my way out the kitchen, I heard Conrad say, "I'll come up later Wolfram."

I didn't reply, but just dragged my feet up the stairs.

* * *

One hour later

My headache and the other pains ailing weren't as bad now, but despite having gone to bed I did not get a wink of sleep.

I heard Conrad knock lightly before opening my bedroom door, seeing that I was awake he approached my bed.

"Yuuri just left, he didn't want to disturb you in case you were sleeping."

"Hmmm."

"Is your headache better?"

"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence and no one said anything.

"Is something else wrong?" he said looking me straight in the eye.

I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling before I answered. _'You don't need him.' _I heard my own voice say angrily in my head.

I couldn't bring myself to sound annoyed so I smiled at my brother, "No, you worry too much."

He continued to look at me without his usual smile, finally sighing silently he replied "Do you need anything?"

Stay with me please little big brother. "No Conrad."

"Alright then, I'll be close by if you do."

I know brother, you're always so close yet nearly everytime I need you you're out of reach.

"Okay."

"I'll have dinner ready around six."

* * *

_A/N: So slowly, his descent down a dark path starts, but this is only the beginning._

_When I write in italics in the actual story (not in the A/N) it's for emphasis or it represents the thoughts in someone's head in the form of their own voice, I hope it's not confusing._


	7. Chapter 7 Just a plant in my mind

_Disclaimer: The characters from Kyo Kara Moah do not belong to me. _

_A/n: Thank you for all your sweet reviews they do cheer me up especially after a rough day, and I'm so happy to hear you all are liking the story x =) I truly do appreciate the fact that people make the time and effort to read this so I hope I don't disappoint you all. _

_I'm sorry this took soooooooo long! Before I move on I must say I can't guarantee regular posts, I got my as level results back, and I feel so disappointed in myself. ='( I've let down the few people that had any faith in me with my awful results, I just don't know what happened. So I'm positively depressed, sad and feeling worthless, but that's not what you all want to hear so let me get to the story details now:_

_Timeline:__ It's been four weeks since Wolfram started school and it's time for the baseball competition to decide on the select players to begin! Whilst I do understand the basics of the game, I am no baseball expert so apologies if I don't describe the game very accurately in later chapters. _

_This chapter is a little longer than my other chapters , so there is a greater chance that I missed out on some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, please don't mind them. X Enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 7: Just a plant in my mind**

_The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within. - Mahatma Gandhi_

Yuri's pov

"Oh man oh man!" I heaved heavy breaths. "I think I should try to pee again!"

"Calm down Shibuya, geez this is only the first game."

"Ahhhh! But Murata! You can't tell me to calm down, in like three hours the game will begin and my fate will be decided!" I exclaimed, physically reeling back and dropping to the floor as if the gravity of the words struck me down.

"Quit being dramatic, it won't help your nerves. Keep cool Shibuya, you can do it, your team is pretty good but that's not to say other three are bad either…"

"Ahhh Shut up Murata! You're not helping, as my friend you should be saying 'You're the best of course you're going to win! You're so wonderful the others will cower in your glory! As you majestically-'"

"Shibuya please stop! I think you need to tell yourself that but say it in your head please so no one else hears okay? And as your friend, I'm simply laying the cards out on the table for you, as assistant coach and manager I've seen all of you play and truthfully you're all evenly spread butter on bread."

"Bread on butter? Murata stop confusing me, my mind is going into overload with all the messages it's receiving! One is saying I should clip my toe nails so my shoes will feel more comfortable, another is saying for lunch I should eat brown rice and-"

" Look, what I'm trying to say is; every individual uniquely excels in a certain aspect of the game be it defensive, offensive or even down on a much smaller level such as having a strong hand for catching the ball. When coach and myself originally made up these four teams last year we did it on the basis so that one person's weakness is made up for by another person's strength, this is true for all the teams."

"So we need to play as a team, of course I know that!" I said finally standing up as if to prove my point.

"Exactly, whilst out of the nine members in your own team, you Shibuya are arguably the best pitcher, but compared to Masaru your batting it not as on point, but then both of you probably couldn't beat Chiako in a run to first base to save your life."

Calming myself to think clearly for a minute I thought seriously about what Murata said. We all need to work together as a team to win, and I am already aware of the fact that I am much better on the defensive than offensive. "Murata why are you telling me this, I think I figured that out for myself."

"Good. And I'm telling you this to get you focused, you've worked hard Shibuya and I want you to do well."

I looked down frowning consciously feeling embarrassed for letting my nerves get the best of me. It's just been such a strange week leading up to today, not to mention stressful. But Murata's right I need to stay focused and think of what I know so I can utilise it, I don't want to let myself or my friends down.

"And anyway Shibuya, if you're looking for moral support turn your head and look at the cheerleaders in the short skirts they are bound to get blood flowing through your system and making you feel alive and good!"

"You're a disgusting pervert!"

"Come on Shibuya, don't pretend like it's not every man's dream to have like twenty girls with boobs the size of their pompoms screaming your name while taking on various positions using their bodies!"

I knew I was blushing wildly, before I could form a mental image I yelled at Murata. "I'm personally going to make sure that you are nowhere near the cheerleaders, I don't want you trying anything indecent like trying to snap a picture or anything from behind!"

"Or equally you could look at Von Bielefeld!"

That's it, the heat from my face travelled to my feet, I felt flushed all over. "MuuMurata! Shut up before I take off my glove and whack you around the head with it!"

"Just saying…"

"Don't say anything!"

"Is Von Bielefeld coming to watch?" He asked suddenly.

I honestly didn't know, over the past two weeks we have gotten pretty close I think, I've sort of gotten used to his insulting remarks and slightly aggressive tendencies and we've formed an unusual friendship but I still couldn't be further from understanding him. He's interesting company one minute and then a distant stranger the next, whilst I would like the idea of him coming to watch I couldn't help but feel jittery at the thought as well.

"I'm not sure, he didn't say."

"I'm sure he'll come, it's the highlight of this term so half the school if not more are going to watch the match, and not to mention outside guests."

"Don't remind me…" I supressed the urge to shiver at the thought of all eyes on me.

* * *

Wolfram's pov

I let out a long sigh when I reached the changing rooms, placing the basket in my hands on the floor, I stopped to control my breathing before I went in. There were two changing rooms in this school with two teams to each changing room and I volunteered to carry all the freshly washed cleats that all players are required to wear to the south room; I knew that's where Yuuri would be.

I doubt I'd see him again before the game and I feel a little bad for avoiding him for the whole day. But I had to admit my pride got the better of me, I should have accepted Norio's help to carry all these shoes, the large wooden basket itself was probably heavier than all eighteen pairs of shoes put together, and I found my arms trembling from the strain on more than one occasion.

But it was worth it, I really want to see Yuuri now I thought, feeling the need to show my support for him. I never really felt this way about anyone, Yuuri was quite average but he_ is_ special, and I guess he's special to me in the sense that-

"Ah! Von Bielefeld!" A chirpy voice sung my name completely throwing off my line of thoughts.

Looking up I saw Murata, I nodded to him in greeting.

"We were just talking about you. I was on my way to grab some lunch." He paused looking at the basket on the floor, "Ahhh! I see you bought the shoes, well I'll drop off the cleats from here. Thanks for bringing them over." He said smiled all too politely.

By 'we' I'm assuming him and Yuuri, and I have noted this before; while Yuuri's unwarranted cheerfulness was annoying, Murata's jolly attitude often made me uncomfortable. Throwing aside what I was thinking, I realised that Murata was about to lift up the basket that was by my feet, and effectively also take away my excuse for wanting to see Yuuri.

"Wait!" I shouted before my mind had caught up to what I said.

"Yes?" He asked, with his upper body bent, he tilted his head up smiling pleasantly. His head was way too close to my crotch.

Before I replied I took a step to the side and grabbed one side of the basket. "It's kind of heavy, and the basket is awkward to carry, I'll help you."

"Why that's very kind of you."

* * *

"Shibuya, make sure you grab the right size shoes this time."

"Murata I thought you were going to- Wolfram! What are you doing here?!"

"Dropping the cleats off." And I just wanted to see how you were doing I added silently. And why is he staring at me like that? "What?!"

"Err, nothing I well…you just didn't strike me as the type to casually be helping, well er… I mean carrying around stuff." He said lamely.

I frowned at him. "What are you trying to say? Just be grateful I bought them over."

"Yeah, I am! Sorry!" He said bending down to retrieve a pair of shoes after checking the size. "Thanks! They smell great!"

"It's not like I washed them personally Yuuri."

"I know…just thanks."

Hearing the door open behind me I saw Murata leaving. "Well I'll be off! After a whole day of chasing after people and organising I think I am entitled to my yummy chicken tikka masala pasty! The rest of the team have gone to get lunch as well, you should have lunch soon too or you'll have indigestion when you're playing." Murata said looking thoughtful, then clicking his fingers he suddenly looked at the basket with all the shoes, "Oh, and I'll leave the rest of these shoes by the door so they'll see them when they come back from lunch, but thanks for the help Von Bielefeld. And Shibuya, remember keep your eyes on _the balls._" He said wriggling his eyes brows at Yuuri.

"That Murata." Yuuri seethed under his breath, turning red.

"What's he talking about? Only one ball is used in baseball." I quirked my eyebrow taking note of Yuuri's flushed face.

"Ahhhhahahaha! You should know how Murata is by now, half the time he says crap you just gotta pretend you get it." Yuuri said all too quickly.

"Whatever." I replied losing interest pretty quickly. "You ready?"

"Well yeah, I guess. I don't see what difference it would make if I played the game today or in a hundred years! Wait maybe not a hundred years, I'll probably have a hunch back by then." He laughed again, but there was something not quite right about his laugh.

"I see."

"See what?"

"You're nervous."

"Well, yeah." He sighed, "Wouldn't you be?"

"Hmmm. But you'll be fine you don't need to be scared."

"Oh yeah?" He said bending down to put on his right shoe.

"Yeah, I'm positive no matter what the outcome you'll have something to be proud of." I was expecting Yuuri to be happy that I seemed to have so much confidence in him, but instead he looked rather down, sad even. This is not the Yuuri I know.

"How can you say that?" He questioned while sitting down on the floor and leaning against the wall. Why didn't he just sit down on one of the changing benches? He was standing right next to one!

"Because you're a wimp that should be more worried about tripping up over your own two feet than worried about some game." I said suddenly, though I wished I had phrased that better.

"It's not just a game to me Wolfram! It's important to me, it's a part of my life, it's what I want to do, I have a passion for it!" He said looking me in the eyes and rising to his feet, I certainly wasn't expecting such an outburst but I recovered quickly enough.

"Fine! I can understand that you'd be nervous but you look so pathetic!"

"I look pathetic hugh? Well what's your problem?" He said frowning.

I matched his frown with a frown of my own, "It doesn't suit you." I said quietly, I just wanted this tension between Yuuri and I to end, this isn't how I wanted to wish him luck.

None of us said anything for a minute, I looked down on the floor feeling incredibly silly.

"I'm sorry" Yuuri spoke up, now I felt even guiltier. "I guess I really am nervous."

Sighing I replied, "It's not your fault, I don't know what came over me."

"It's cool."

"Yuuri." I started.

"Yes."

"You don't need to be nervous because…well I have to admit you're…well you're not half bad at baseball, I've seen you play."

"But it won't just be me playing, there's my team too." He looked startled, like he had said something wrong, "It's not that I that I think they're bad! I just..I just don't want to let them down."

"For goodness sake Yuuri! You'll all do fine, the important thing is to have a good time. I get that you must be under a lot of pressure, but if you're going to be like this before every game, then I think you need to rethink your career plan! But I don't think that it's an option for you because…you're good and I have faith you'll do well." I said sounding like I was running out of steam with every word.

Meeting his eyes, I could see him looking at me sincerely. "Wolfram I…"

"Well it's not just me, even Conrad said you sound like you really love baseball, and that you have a good spirit for it; one's that's willing to grow, flourish and bloom over everyone else come rain or sunshine . Least that's what I think he said" I paused and pretended to ponder, "I don't know, he said some cheesy crap like that. Anyway, it's not like I was actually listening!" I huffed, though that was a small lie, word for word I remember exactly what Conrad had said and the bitter feeling I had when he said it.

He's never said anything like that to me, his eyes shining with approval and admiration, but I knew mentioning praise from Conrad right now would lighten up Yuuri's mood. And it worked, the sweet smile he had on his face quickly morphed into a wide grin conveying the joy he undoubtedly felt for such praise.

"Tell him I said thanks. Errr, actually no don't tell him anything." He scratched the back of his head, being his goofy self again. "Wait but if you tell him that you told me what he said, then tell him I said thank you."

"Yuuri, I really don't think you need to worry about something so trivial. Conrad meant what he said, but you don't need to fuss so much; you weren't even there." I was half aware of the fact that the point I was trying to make really was quite useless and half aware I only said that because I was feeling sour.

"But what he said is special." He whined, "You gotta learn to appreciate the praise you receive in life, they help to create happy memories. When your down it helps when you think of all the kind things people have said about you, that's when you feel you have the strength to get up and move forward. It reminds you that there are people out there that care about you in the sense that you have positively impacted on their lives; enough to prompt them to say or make some kind of thoughtful gesture towards you. And I think that is one of the best feeling ever."

I watched Yuuri lift up his shirt to spray on some deodorant, I suddenly felt irritated that he was casually doing it in front of me, and that totally threw me off whatever brilliant point I was going to make, "Yeah, that's sweet, you're too sentimental Yuuri, but I guess whatever it sounds nice."

"Come on Wolfram, I'm being serious you're just too embarrassed to accept compliments."

"I'm not embarrassed; I do appreciate them, I just don't see the big deal about them." I said honestly. "It's someone's opinion not fact, like a passing saying."

"So what are you saying?" He piped up titling his head slightly to the right, his eyes intently fixed on me now.

"I'm just saying, half the time, what's said isn't even true; you can't be so naive."

"Oh." He suddenly looked kind of sad, "When you said 'I have faith you'll do well', that gave me the strength to move forward, but it seems from what you're saying that it's probably not true, or is it just true half the time?" His voice betrayed nothing, but his eyes said so much more.

I gaped at him, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, though that thought aside I was in awe of Yuuri, how does he mange to keep his voice sounding so neutral but his face contorted with so much emotion I briefly wondered. My thoughts drifted back to what he had just said, I found it difficult to comprehend what he and I were even arguing about, but nonetheless I knew I should be offended.

"I can't believe you would question me like this!" I sighed heavily, "But…no, I meant every word of that Yuuri, honestly I did."

"Then why did you-"

Feeling the need to justify myself in the heat of the moment I answered back quickly "It's just, when I receive compliments, it's often for the way I look, and most the time I think people don't care about anything more than what meets their eyes. They say things meaninglessly."

I couldn't look at Yuuri in the face, it just seemed like such a petty thing to be so bothered by; I was embarrassed to admit it out loud. Though I felt I owed Yuuri a half truthful explanation in the least especially since it's my fault that we're having this argument. Although undoubtedly if I was thinking clearly I most probably would not have said anything along those lines.

"That's why when someone says something to you, good, bad, praise or criticism if it's sincere then that's all you need to take in." He was too forgiving I thought wearily not feeling like I deserved his gentle tone. "And don't mind the mindless comments, like you said they're meaningless, listen to the people you know that care about you and love you."

'_If what Yuuri is saying is true, you have received more meaningless praise than there are stars in the sky, and only enough honest kind comments you might be able to count on five fingers. If you're lucky that is.' _The voice in my head made it's opinion known.

I frowned shying away from the hurt, opinions cannot judge you, and it's not about how many comments you receive, it's about how much they mean to you; I know that much I reasoned.

'_So how much do they mean to you? Are they even significant? Conrad praising you for learning how to ride a bike doesn't count' _The voice mocked.

Deciding I wanted to end this mental debate, I turned to Yuuri unsurely, I might not like the answer, but If I pushed over Yuuri's 'be nice to everyone policy' as I so often do, I can count on him for the truth.

"So Yuuri, if you think opinions matter so much, and passing comments without any thought are useless. Tell me…" I said dramatically, looking him straight in the face to make sure I had his attention. "Sincerely tell me what you think of me."

"Hugh, what do you mean?"

"What do you think of me, I want your opinion."

"Errr seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Like right now?"

"Yes Yuuri!" I said growing impatient, I felt the need to hear his answer, of course I knew I was being unfair, but I _needed_ an answer.

"Well…your well rough, but smooth in a way…at least sometimes…" He was just making general comments, that wasn't good enough! I glared at him to let him know I wasn't impressed with his answer.

"Wolfram I don't know!" He shuffled uncomfortably, "You can't just put me on the spot like that!"

Fine maybe I should start with something simple if personality and character are too difficult for him to comment on, after all I have only known him for only four weeks and whilst he's quite predictable I myself haven't been able to completely unravel the meaning behind half the things Yuuri says and does.

"What do you think of how I look?" There, any easy enough question, though I was still genuinely interested to know exactly what he thought. I knew there were people out there that thought I was attractive, but I think what Yuuri says will matter more to me, I thought shyly hoping I wasn't blushing.

"Ehh?...Well you have blonde hair, presumably natural, since your eyebrows are blond I didn't think you dyed them, unless you chose to bleach them and-"

"Yuuri!" I finally snapped, "I know very well what I look like! And my hair is naturally this colour thank you very much! I'm asking you what **_you_ **think of how I look!"

"Wolfram that's cheesy!" He whined.

"No it's not!"

"And you're a guy!"

"So what, are guys not allowed to voice their opinion on what another man looks like?"

This wasn't going the way I planned and he was not giving me the definite answer I so wanted to hear. I guess I should rephrase my question again. "Tell me do you think I look nice or am I but-ugly to you?" I demanded. I meant it more as a joke but I was certainly enjoying making Yuuri squirm.

"Your nice, and you're not but-ugly, there I said it."

"That's not sincere." I teased, "You haven't given me you're _honest, sincere_ opinion!"

"You can't pressure me for an opinion like that!"

"Well surely you must have one!" I added sharply.

"I haven't figured it out!" He slapped his forehead instantly.

"What is there to figure out!?" I asked looking at him incredulously.

"It's not nice to judge people in an instant like that!" Yuuri was turning red from ear to ear, and something tells he's not embarrassed because he's angry I thought wickedly.

"Really, well you if I recall the first thing you said to me was 'Wow a pretty boy', is that what you think of me Yuuri?" I added unable to help myself.

"Wolfram, that's because you didn't look normal!"

"Didn't look normal? So what do you think I look weird?"

"No, I meant you look different." He replied equally quickly.

"Different how?" Although even I knew the answer to that, finally I was in control of this argument and I didn't want to let go.

"Wolfram just give up already, your ticking me off with all these questions!"

"Okay so I'm not worth your honest and sincere opinion. Fine Yuuri! It was just a simple question, but whatever! Good luck with your game!" Just as I was about to turn on me heel and leave, he suddenly grabbed be roughly by my shirt and swung me around so we switched positions.

"Wait Wolfram!" He rasped, it sounded rather rough, and I grimaced inwardly. "I don't why you need to be like this all the time, you can't demand things like a child and expect to be given what you want straight away! But like you said whatever!" He spat sounding more and more annoyed with every word, I could feel his hot breath sweeping over my nose and his spit sprayed on my cheeks. Before I could retort back he cut me off.

"I meant what I said! I don't have any problem admitting you're a pretty boy! It's obvious for everyone to see! You Wolfram Von Bielefeld are a beautiful boy and that is my definite, from the bottom of my heart opinion!" He practically screeched, sounding terribly not like the Yuuri I knew.

"I have to agree but jeez calm down Shiubya!"

"Yeah man, I think your boyfriend heard you loud and clear." Added another voice.

Instantly Yuuri let go of me and snapped around, while I stepped to the side to see who was at the door.

"Kosei! Isamu! He yelped, they sniggered in return."It's not what it looks like." He squeaked out.

"Riiiiight, because I was born yesterday and I'm also going blind." Kosei added sarcastically.

"You've got it all wrong Kosei!" Yuuri breathed, "It's not what it looks like…" he said again weakly.

Now Yuuri was just embarrassing me, but I did feel guilty. Yet it's Yuuri's fault for acting like such a homophobe, if he only learned to look over his prejudices, he would be able to see the more he acted like a dear caught in the headlights, the more his friends would tease him about it. I wonder what'll he'll think of Conrad…if only he knew…Maybe then he'd think it's acceptable. But he's ashamed because it's me, I breathed hotly ignoring the hurtful sting that thought invoked.

'_You've bought this upon yourself Wolfram.' _

"Anyway we're sorry to interrupt you guys, but Shibuya since we won't be going to lessons after lunch, you need to go sign your name in the office for afternoon registration now." Isamu added eyeing me curiously. I wanted to glare at him for doing so but decided against it.

"Right I'll be to the office now." Yuuri said quickly, not so much as looking back at me as he headed to the door. I ignored the invisible hand that squeezed around my chest making me silently choke on my breath.

"And I'm off to steal Hayato's glasses! Because _apparently _I'm going blind!" Kosei said all too cheerfully.

"Shut up Kosei."

"Goodbye Wolfram, I hope to see at them game cheering us on of course." Kosei smiled cheekily as he walked out.

"It was nice seeing you." Isamu added, yeah well with the way you were looking at me I'm sure it was! I thought distastefully, though my eyes were still fixed on Yuuri back which was moving further and further away.

"See you later Wolfram." He said dryly, turning his head to the side though not enough to see me.

"Good luck." I whispered.

* * *

When Yuuri was gone I leant back against the wall and slid down. The changing room was silent and cold beneath my back, I could hear blood racing around my arms and feet full adrenaline like I had been running for my life. The sensation was making me feel uncomfortable so I buried my head between my knees, but then quickly decided against it as I found that it even harder to breathe.

Damn I screwed up again, and this time so unnecessarily. '_What the hell were you hoping for Wolfram? Yuuri's never going to see you above that of a pretty face.' _My own voice was taunting me, and how I wished I didn't believe it.

'_He won't ever see you as more than a friend, and even if he did he'll never admit. Surely you can tell… Or were you hoping for something more?'_

"Shut up!" Instantly clamping my mouth shut, I hastily scanned my surroundings; startled as my voice echoed through the changing room.

'_You're a distraction to him, an unnecessary hindrance, can't you see that you're just getting in his way. Yuuri has made it obvious that he doesn't like the attention he receives because of you. Leave him alone.' _

Gently rocking back and forth I sat there and stared blankly at the door. But it's true, why don't I just leave Yuuri alone? On the first few days I had the excuse of the fact that I needed him to show me around. I was lost and anxious all the time and there was something about him, his ever sunny smiles, that dorky attitude and even though half our conversations tended to be arguments; I wanted his company. We didn't have much in common and he managed to get under my skin all the time, even when we were having a good time, but despite that, I just couldn't…couldn't let go.

Once I was able to hear above the heavy thudding of my heart, I could make out a faint tapping sound, I turned my head towards the direction it was coming from; the school shower room. Most probably someone must have used the shower recently and that sound was probably water dripping off the shower head I noted causally.

But my nonchalance was instantly replaced by a gush of terror and I freely shuddered with each feeling. This is all so familiar…like the night I nearly died I thought my eyes widening at the memory. I could hear water dripping as I hung over the bath tub, the same way I can hear it echoing now. My heart and breathing was racing with uncontrollably; as it is now. But the thought that struck me above all else was that it was my pride that kept me from seeking out someone; so I was alone, like I am now.

I sprang to my feet, stumbling slightly as I was hit with a dizzy spell that threatened to send me to the floor once more. Calm down Wolfram! There's nothing for you to run away from!

'_You really are stupid, and you call Yuuri the wimp.' _

Ignoring that voice completely, I thought about Yuuri. Yes it didn't take me long after that incident me to figure out that I had developed a small crush on him; in the days that followed I wanted nothing more than to be in his presence. At first I thought it was because I craved company, he was the only person in my life at that time I felt at ease to be around, even though he sparked my anger so often and hurt me so obliviously.

I wanted him to offer me the kind of comfort my brother and Yozak have, safe, secure and loving arms that embrace you whole. But I realised very soon it was all too hopeless, Yuuri didn't_ like_ me like that, so much as mentioning anything related to gay had all his red lights flashing. I would just be bringing on avoidable heartache. So I tried to feel nothing but a mutual friendship, and even managed to convince myself that I felt nothing but a certain fondness for him now. But I wonder if that's really true at all, or am I just supressing my true feelings? Have I not moved on at all?

But I know this, there is something, something that seems to be growing inside of me, good or bad I don't know, but it's begging to be unleashed. I wonder if this is an effect of supressing my feelings for so long? Is that what lead me to question Yuuri so pathetically and relentlessly about his opinion of me? Already knowing full well what the likely answer was. Or was it that I just wanted to strike back at that insistent voice! But that voice is my opinion isn't it? Why am I trying so desperately to prove it wrong?

Now I've gone and upset Yuuri again by pushing him too far, I know he'll come around, still that doesn't make any of this right. Does it? I can't keep doing this, so I just stop?

"Arrrh, you idiot!" I breathed harshly. I wanted to be angry right now, this fear and uncertainty was only supplying me with more questions without answers. I hate all this!

"What the fuck are you doing with your life?!"

'_Nothing.' _

There are so many contradictory thoughts playing out in my head, I needed to somehow play it all out somehow, like arbitration, except I will also be the judge in this. Breathing roughly, this time I willed myself to listen to my inner voice, who else could I have turned to anyway? If that voice could materialize into a physical being, no doubt it would be smirking victoriously at the attention.

'_Firstly leave him alone. It's best for you, and only right for Yuuri. What is there for you to gain by chasing after someone who doesn't want you? He doesn't need you, he already has a good life, and as you can see; you're ruining it.' _

I'm not ruining. It's just sometimes he's too blind to see and reach out!

'_Unlike you, Yuuri has something in life that he wants to dedicate his life too, he has a passion and calling for something. You've yet to find it.'_

But that doesn't mean I need to let Yuuri go, I can find the answers to those things alongside him…he's my friend after all, I reasoned rather weakly.

The stronger and more assertive voice immediately hit back '_Yet friendship isn't all you want. But it's highly unlikely you will ever need to worry about your relationship with Yuuri becoming something more. A crush isn't love, Yuuri won't chase after you and you should know better than to pursue something so hopeless. Give up.'_

But it's not impossible! I screamed in my head. Look at Yozak and Conrad, they had so many difficulties to overcome but…they made it.

'_Every point you make seems to be getting more and more ridiculous. You and Yuuri are not Yozak and Conrad, some things aren't meant to be. You yourself have admitted that Yuuri is not into you and face it; he never will be, he doesn't like men remember.' _

But that doesn't mean he won't change...later he might change his mind, I insisted quietly; afraid of the answer I would receive.

'_Just who are you trying to convince? Yuuri or yourself?'_

"I...just." I spoke out loud, feeling like I was going to explode from the inside, I didn't know how to argue back with such reasoning, I sighed feeling defeated.

I want to be his friend at least, even if it painful sometimes. "I don't want to be alone." I whispered barely audibly.

'_You are letting him also distract you, remember your purpose for coming here, it was not to make friends.'_

So is it for the best? Should I just forget about him, he's only going to make things more difficult after all, I tried to convince myself. School life is but a phase in life; what is now is temporary.

But how can I forget about him? Forget about someone who has…who has…who has what! He's just like anyone else isn't he? What is so special about him that makes me like him so fucking much?! I viscously scratched my neck in frustration, all I can come up with is more questions, and I just don't know what to make of any of them.

* * *

_A/N: I actually intended to start the baseball game in this chapter, guess it will have to be in the next one. The title has a special meaning to me, (anyway that comment was a little random). But I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as much as I enjoyed releasing my frustrations while writing it._

_Sorry for any mistakes, if they are very bad, I'll re-post this chapter when I have the time. _

_Wolfram is not crazy! Anyway, until next time. X _


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